meanhippy's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco. http://tfl.nu/49kl
  Replies (7) Good night (4101) Bad night (1047) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands! http://tfl.nu/blis
  Replies (33) Good night (6157) Bad night (1093)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals. http://tfl.nu/t5jb
  Replies (19) Good night (3704) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind. http://tfl.nu/1wb4
  Replies (8) Good night (2104) Bad night (725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad http://tfl.nu/q1tx
  Replies (16) Good night (3082) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you http://tfl.nu/d6cu
  Replies (8) Good night (934) Bad night (2767)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life. http://tfl.nu/6m4u
  Replies (10) Good night (2257) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier. http://tfl.nu/n87w
  Replies (5) Good night (3501) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body. http://tfl.nu/hcjb
  Replies (6) Good night (966) Bad night (2286) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (325): Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong??? http://tfl.nu/adeh
  Replies (13) Good night (973) Bad night (3231) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone... http://tfl.nu/2d2g
  Replies (12) Good night (4424) Bad night (947) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics http://tfl.nu/k6wq
  Replies (22) Good night (3981) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test. http://tfl.nu/znwq
  Replies (4) Good night (4991) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying. http://tfl.nu/488f
  Replies (12) Good night (1481) Bad night (2454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary http://tfl.nu/rsxr
  Replies (5) Good night (2270) Bad night (1013) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms. http://tfl.nu/g9bp
  Replies (8) Good night (2399) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out. http://tfl.nu/zs8i
  Replies (8) Good night (2116) Bad night (816) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room. http://tfl.nu/hh2a
  Replies (6) Good night (2593) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is. http://tfl.nu/mbfy
  Replies (6) Good night (3469) Bad night (912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard". http://tfl.nu/w1c8
  Replies (19) Good night (6705) Bad night (882) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit. http://tfl.nu/4gp7
  Replies (27) Good night (1244) Bad night (7129) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME http://tfl.nu/4k9l
  Replies (15) Good night (4367) Bad night (1211) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes http://tfl.nu/n4pv
  Replies (11) Good night (3600) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am? http://tfl.nu/ceer
  Replies (12) Good night (2596) Bad night (1115) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns. http://tfl.nu/g37i
  Replies (28) Good night (4629) Bad night (1359) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com http://tfl.nu/sswj
  Replies (38) Good night (1193) Bad night (2995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am. http://tfl.nu/2bm2
  Replies (9) Good night (1920) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard. http://tfl.nu/kick
  Replies (9) Good night (4043) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool. http://tfl.nu/6ccl
  Replies (7) Good night (984) Bad night (3360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Just invented taco cereal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Just invented taco cereal. http://tfl.nu/md8j
  Replies (8) Good night (1424) Bad night (1824) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling (303): Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper http://tfl.nu/d912
  Replies (3) Good night (2148) Bad night (862)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine http://tfl.nu/d0ou
  Replies (23) Good night (2783) Bad night (1213) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win. http://tfl.nu/2dfk
  Replies (8) Good night (4673) Bad night (743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.

  (1-773): View more from Illinois

  Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win. (1-773): Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married http://tfl.nu/w32w
  Replies (19) Good night (1014) Bad night (7337)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor. http://tfl.nu/dwej
  Replies (1) Good night (2313) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober http://tfl.nu/68n1
  Replies (10) Good night (2984) Bad night (926)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU. http://tfl.nu/drhd
  Replies (6) Good night (1054) Bad night (2758)
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv. http://tfl.nu/kqij
  Replies (7) Good night (2837) Bad night (1258) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Jesus...So southern.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat. (401): Jesus...So southern. http://tfl.nu/htgy
  Replies (11) Good night (1297) Bad night (2622)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again" http://tfl.nu/7as1
  Replies (4) Good night (3918) Bad night (753) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater http://tfl.nu/g5ze
  Replies (4) Good night (724) Bad night (2277) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed. http://tfl.nu/i2kx
  Replies (25) Good night (3997) Bad night (2276) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now? http://tfl.nu/l9c5
  Replies (6) Good night (3108) Bad night (1192) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk http://tfl.nu/tgll
  Replies (4) Good night (2776) Bad night (898) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon. http://tfl.nu/n05i
  Replies (9) Good night (3518) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment. http://tfl.nu/tvxk
  Replies (1) Good night (1062) Bad night (2286) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong http://tfl.nu/17fl
  Replies (11) Good night (3029) Bad night (775) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that. http://tfl.nu/smq4
  Replies (6) Good night (2051) Bad night (856) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about. http://tfl.nu/7642
  Replies (35) Good night (2726) Bad night (1371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever . http://tfl.nu/6kwm
  Replies (6) Good night (2759) Bad night (1016) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test. http://tfl.nu/l54a
  Replies (6) Good night (3190) Bad night (805) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY http://tfl.nu/mbk8
  Replies (12) Good night (1832) Bad night (932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great. http://tfl.nu/il4g
  Replies (4) Good night (2367) Bad night (896) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself. http://tfl.nu/agcx
  Replies (3) Good night (2107) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent. http://tfl.nu/bb3p
  Replies (7) Good night (942) Bad night (2164)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  we didnt even have break up sex...

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  you had it for us with someone else...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): we didnt even have break up sex... (1-816): you had it for us with someone else... http://tfl.nu/e06z
  Replies (17) Good night (1710) Bad night (6448) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in. http://tfl.nu/xqye
  Replies (8) Good night (3679) Bad night (882) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker. http://tfl.nu/o20c
  Replies (15) Good night (705) Bad night (2755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  he tried to breastfeed my turtle

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): he tried to breastfeed my turtle http://tfl.nu/mp5f
  Replies (15) Good night (1503) Bad night (2599) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off. http://tfl.nu/uye4
  Replies (4) Good night (2094) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon. http://tfl.nu/pf2r
  Replies (21) Good night (7019) Bad night (1043) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has http://tfl.nu/fgce
  Replies (14) Good night (3427) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  He called his prostate his "boner button".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): He called his prostate his "boner button". http://tfl.nu/n5dr
  Replies (17) Good night (1486) Bad night (3206) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch". http://tfl.nu/00r2
  Replies (18) Good night (5206) Bad night (1114) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Wow that was a lesbian tornado.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Wow that was a lesbian tornado. http://tfl.nu/1am2
  Replies (14) Good night (3427) Bad night (935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up. http://tfl.nu/4jl3
  Replies (5) Good night (2417) Bad night (1338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed http://tfl.nu/q2zi
  Replies (8) Good night (2219) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  ambylanc

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  what?

  (519): View more from Ontario

  there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): ambylanc (1-519): what? (519): there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it. http://tfl.nu/lrq4
  Replies (8) Good night (2812) Bad night (1211)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there. http://tfl.nu/jea6
  Replies (8) Good night (3348) Bad night (1149) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe. http://tfl.nu/faaw
  Replies (10) Good night (2369) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US

  (281): View more from Texas

  WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW

  (281): View more from Texas

  THE REISLING ATRACEX US

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US (281): WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW (281): THE REISLING ATRACEX US http://tfl.nu/6tcy
  Replies (21) Good night (1987) Bad night (1073)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila. http://tfl.nu/7xsl
  Replies (3) Good night (1269) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night.... http://tfl.nu/k2vf
  Replies (3) Good night (2283) Bad night (1008) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt http://tfl.nu/ilc7
  Replies (27) Good night (2635) Bad night (1413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing http://tfl.nu/c7lz
  Replies (23) Good night (5841) Bad night (1337) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left http://tfl.nu/56sv
  Replies (4) Good night (3478) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that... http://tfl.nu/s4gm
  Replies (10) Good night (2282) Bad night (893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point. http://tfl.nu/9jn6
  Replies (17) Good night (1283) Bad night (2789) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help. http://tfl.nu/mkef
  Replies (5) Good night (1377) Bad night (3035) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying. http://tfl.nu/q9vl
  Replies (14) Good night (4278) Bad night (819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE http://tfl.nu/myo8
  Replies (21) Good night (3909) Bad night (1410) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair http://tfl.nu/dbyu
  Replies (2) Good night (2090) Bad night (1073) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet http://tfl.nu/qhid
  Replies (12) Good night (4280) Bad night (1198) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real. http://tfl.nu/3nu3
  Replies (32) Good night (2169) Bad night (6288) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine. http://tfl.nu/w2qh
  Replies (15) Good night (1011) Bad night (3170) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here http://tfl.nu/c3ng
  Replies (14) Good night (2230) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button http://tfl.nu/tmep
  Replies (50) Good night (9218) Bad night (2831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating. http://tfl.nu/1vha
  Replies (8) Good night (2548) Bad night (1455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail. http://tfl.nu/cojn
  Replies (9) Good night (2957) Bad night (682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (830): View more from Texas

  i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (830): i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone... http://tfl.nu/i2ws
  Replies (13) Good night (2403) Bad night (728) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage http://tfl.nu/22pw
  Replies (8) Good night (3557) Bad night (741) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar

  (219): View more from Indiana

  I need you to use more vowels.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar (219): I need you to use more vowels. http://tfl.nu/cjfw
  Replies (15) Good night (8032) Bad night (856)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important. http://tfl.nu/ehih
  Replies (18) Good night (2351) Bad night (2577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed. http://tfl.nu/z4ve
  Replies (17) Good night (4173) Bad night (1759)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close. http://tfl.nu/c6b4
  Replies (12) Good night (6013) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches. http://tfl.nu/ctw0
  Replies (9) Good night (2984) Bad night (1233) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood. http://tfl.nu/z2ka
  Replies (13) Good night (3347) Bad night (1109) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her. http://tfl.nu/kcyk
  Replies (15) Good night (4855) Bad night (1049) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY. http://tfl.nu/zzc9
  Replies (6) Good night (2945) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be? http://tfl.nu/hgpj
  Replies (5) Good night (2234) Bad night (1143) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past. http://tfl.nu/eita
  Replies (4) Good night (2192) Bad night (1425) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless. http://tfl.nu/abxi
  Replies (11) Good night (4499) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock." http://tfl.nu/14j8
  Replies (2) Good night (1222) Bad night (2586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (819): View more from Quebec

  We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (819): We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive. http://tfl.nu/7d2g
  Replies (20) Good night (4249) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd http://tfl.nu/1g97
  Replies (8) Good night (1248) Bad night (2202) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos" http://tfl.nu/vb8d
  Replies (9) Good night (5113) Bad night (1178) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying. http://tfl.nu/fnbb
  Replies (9) Good night (3345) Bad night (1390) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!! http://tfl.nu/blny
  Replies (8) Good night (3335) Bad night (896) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference.. http://tfl.nu/jwx4
  Replies (7) Good night (2291) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs http://tfl.nu/7d0f
  Replies (6) Good night (2456) Bad night (908) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system http://tfl.nu/uwvr
  Replies (12) Good night (2603) Bad night (1073) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon. http://tfl.nu/t0p2
  Replies (5) Good night (4590) Bad night (1337) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (956): View more from Texas

  found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (956): found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint. http://tfl.nu/dk3f
  Replies (14) Good night (1375) Bad night (2812) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy http://tfl.nu/3zlc
  Replies (9) Good night (1057) Bad night (2841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb http://tfl.nu/ycga
  Replies (3) Good night (810) Bad night (2081) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem. http://tfl.nu/r408
  Replies (6) Good night (2298) Bad night (842) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny http://tfl.nu/e2zy
  Replies (23) Good night (2543) Bad night (1006) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark. http://tfl.nu/ophf
  Replies (9) Good night (5865) Bad night (947) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated. http://tfl.nu/ymio
  Replies (8) Good night (3318) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police. http://tfl.nu/zopt
  Replies (9) Good night (1464) Bad night (4326) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms http://tfl.nu/2gis
  Replies (6) Good night (3010) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall. http://tfl.nu/qd0i
  Replies (7) Good night (2674) Bad night (793) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...

  (1-317): View more from Indiana

  He's the fucking cop whisperer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him... (1-317): He's the fucking cop whisperer. http://tfl.nu/3vvt
  Replies (25) Good night (10949) Bad night (781)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower. http://tfl.nu/0936
  Replies (11) Good night (3347) Bad night (1408) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her. http://tfl.nu/sdzd
  Replies (13) Good night (5500) Bad night (1281) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality http://tfl.nu/e7iy
  Replies (3) Good night (2268) Bad night (963) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off. http://tfl.nu/a9zf
  Replies (17) Good night (3995) Bad night (700)
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt http://tfl.nu/6d18
  Replies (2) Good night (723) Bad night (1621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really. http://tfl.nu/ok73
  Replies (11) Good night (3417) Bad night (943) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex. http://tfl.nu/lyw2
  Replies (10) Good night (4706) Bad night (763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy". http://tfl.nu/gh3y
  Replies (9) Good night (4175) Bad night (1324)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears. http://tfl.nu/pc9j
  Replies (11) Good night (2547) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake. http://tfl.nu/294d
  Replies (24) Good night (8141) Bad night (820)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever. http://tfl.nu/klad
  Replies (20) Good night (7118) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born http://tfl.nu/g2yi
  Replies (2) Good night (3209) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on. http://tfl.nu/jv7t
  Replies (6) Good night (4401) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine http://tfl.nu/4lyn
  Replies (27) Good night (5698) Bad night (1025) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox. http://tfl.nu/ld2z
  Replies (2) Good night (2397) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Are my feet made of real feet?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): Are my feet made of real feet? http://tfl.nu/dext
  Replies (17) Good night (5584) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere? http://tfl.nu/8ktc
  Replies (15) Good night (1031) Bad night (2725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight". http://tfl.nu/suji
  Replies (5) Good night (4030) Bad night (1128) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working... http://tfl.nu/tuy1
  Replies (18) Good night (6527) Bad night (805) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  $5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): $5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am. http://tfl.nu/bt4r
  Replies (10) Good night (1686) Bad night (2630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence. http://tfl.nu/0aty
  Replies (10) Good night (814) Bad night (1992) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me. http://tfl.nu/gx3h
  Replies (4) Good night (893) Bad night (2015) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila? http://tfl.nu/e4mt
  Replies (7) Good night (3276) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon http://tfl.nu/nm2q
  Replies (14) Good night (4519) Bad night (1280) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously. http://tfl.nu/n6dt
  Replies (15) Good night (2479) Bad night (1648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me. http://tfl.nu/y2d7
  Replies (5) Good night (1228) Bad night (1999) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow" http://tfl.nu/vtnd
  Replies (8) Good night (2835) Bad night (674)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in. http://tfl.nu/ba7z
  Replies (13) Good night (4134) Bad night (1667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door. http://tfl.nu/5l3p
  Replies (5) Good night (2757) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table. http://tfl.nu/8dv6
  Replies (7) Good night (4156) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming". http://tfl.nu/90md
  Replies (4) Good night (1749) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked http://tfl.nu/dann
  Replies (6) Good night (3450) Bad night (822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on http://tfl.nu/0aek
  Replies (12) Good night (4832) Bad night (1261) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in? http://tfl.nu/76bu
  Replies (16) Good night (8337) Bad night (1004) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds. http://tfl.nu/by4p
  Replies (14) Good night (3891) Bad night (1148) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  and then he started using my ass as a stressball

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): and then he started using my ass as a stressball http://tfl.nu/q5mx
  Replies (16) Good night (3465) Bad night (1280) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Dude, its January.

  (970): View more from Colorado

  We're going to do the voices too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots. (303): Dude, its January. (970): We're going to do the voices too. http://tfl.nu/k3gb
  Replies (13) Good night (5226) Bad night (706)
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy. http://tfl.nu/1k8y
  Replies (7) Good night (5040) Bad night (671) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me. http://tfl.nu/hmc1
  Replies (11) Good night (3881) Bad night (1703)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence. http://tfl.nu/pvbz
  Replies (11) Good night (5167) Bad night (645)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool. http://tfl.nu/01zv
  Replies (25) Good night (7218) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it. http://tfl.nu/0ggm
  Replies (37) Good night (13189) Bad night (1071) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!" http://tfl.nu/fyfv
  Replies (10) Good night (1575) Bad night (3307) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I am planning my day around naps and lesbians. http://tfl.nu/iw15
  Replies (6) Good night (3131) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles. http://tfl.nu/pzt3
  Replies (19) Good night (1744) Bad night (6150) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): No flamethrowers. That is a direct order. http://tfl.nu/o0tj
  Replies (7) Good night (3151) Bad night (738) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything. http://tfl.nu/kqmn
  Replies (15) Good night (5219) Bad night (1399)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other. http://tfl.nu/ei4k
  Replies (5) Good night (886) Bad night (2836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore. http://tfl.nu/dnny
  Replies (17) Good night (4467) Bad night (994)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered. http://tfl.nu/j70b
  Replies (10) Good night (7548) Bad night (947)
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me http://tfl.nu/f0ty
  Replies (15) Good night (4297) Bad night (821) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend http://tfl.nu/xiia
  Replies (7) Good night (3558) Bad night (973) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M." http://tfl.nu/juhx
  Replies (8) Good night (6021) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (340): View more from US Virgin Islands

  $1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (340): $1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end. http://tfl.nu/eqa9
  Replies (4) Good night (3518) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock". http://tfl.nu/fz13
  Replies (25) Good night (4796) Bad night (1030) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one. http://tfl.nu/vysc
  Replies (8) Good night (3567) Bad night (2148) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  just got booed by the entire restaurant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): just got booed by the entire restaurant. http://tfl.nu/m1gn
  Replies (10) Good night (833) Bad night (3785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  he confused my yawn for an orgasm

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): he confused my yawn for an orgasm http://tfl.nu/lvnz
  Replies (14) Good night (950) Bad night (6401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere

  (1-727): View more from Florida

  it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere (1-727): it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man http://tfl.nu/dnxw
  Replies (6) Good night (3737) Bad night (679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night http://tfl.nu/ia2t
  Replies (4) Good night (2827) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt. http://tfl.nu/2lr3
  Replies (15) Good night (3433) Bad night (1563) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I can't feel my brain.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison. (417): I can't feel my brain. http://tfl.nu/qap9
  Replies (11) Good night (1718) Bad night (3976)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable http://tfl.nu/uv0g
  Replies (8) Good night (2780) Bad night (995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me http://tfl.nu/oobt
  Replies (5) Good night (2015) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices". http://tfl.nu/jiwo
  Replies (23) Good night (4829) Bad night (1021) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal http://tfl.nu/8ovb
  Replies (2) Good night (1954) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted http://tfl.nu/yf6w
  Replies (18) Good night (4317) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I slept with him to see his dog one last time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I slept with him to see his dog one last time http://tfl.nu/kvlf
  Replies (22) Good night (4233) Bad night (1160) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant. http://tfl.nu/awg1
  Replies (8) Good night (4051) Bad night (806) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical. http://tfl.nu/xb5u
  Replies (19) Good night (4283) Bad night (1251) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam.. http://tfl.nu/opqs
  Replies (30) Good night (3247) Bad night (2065) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life. http://tfl.nu/zm5g
  Replies (12) Good night (7540) Bad night (794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK http://tfl.nu/6k18
  Replies (6) Good night (2815) Bad night (888) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you http://tfl.nu/4yxe
  Replies (35) Good night (9108) Bad night (1635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed http://tfl.nu/6788
  Replies (2) Good night (2913) Bad night (592) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  critical mistake not lubing the nipples

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): critical mistake not lubing the nipples http://tfl.nu/tm7j
  Replies (13) Good night (663) Bad night (2593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming http://tfl.nu/1h5t
  Replies (4) Good night (2940) Bad night (725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it. http://tfl.nu/bg9a
  Replies (11) Good night (6051) Bad night (965) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+64): Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome http://tfl.nu/lxnn
  Replies (7) Good night (2704) Bad night (1204) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12 http://tfl.nu/xbs4
  Replies (12) Good night (3645) Bad night (1006) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means. http://tfl.nu/mq55
  Replies (10) Good night (3255) Bad night (952) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (432): View more from Texas

  Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (432): Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know. http://tfl.nu/dusl
  Replies (5) Good night (1227) Bad night (2689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that. http://tfl.nu/r3iu
  Replies (6) Good night (2611) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context http://tfl.nu/uw18
  Replies (4) Good night (2315) Bad night (825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie. http://tfl.nu/rp9b
  Replies (8) Good night (3882) Bad night (910) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life" http://tfl.nu/0dy4
  Replies (5) Good night (5152) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times. http://tfl.nu/xxc1
  Replies (8) Good night (1085) Bad night (3454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy http://tfl.nu/lckr
  Replies (15) Good night (1645) Bad night (910) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority http://tfl.nu/nkbz
  Replies (8) Good night (1935) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket. http://tfl.nu/odip
  Replies (8) Good night (4971) Bad night (1368) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE http://tfl.nu/wuvh
  Replies (5) Good night (2293) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions http://tfl.nu/nm0a
  Replies (8) Good night (1436) Bad night (2487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna http://tfl.nu/tldl
  Replies (9) Good night (5600) Bad night (1525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks... http://tfl.nu/pt70
  Replies (8) Good night (1849) Bad night (743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us http://tfl.nu/mks6
  Replies (18) Good night (3865) Bad night (806) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.

  (478): View more from Georgia

  Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts. (478): Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions. http://tfl.nu/kp4v
  Replies (13) Good night (2789) Bad night (989)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever. http://tfl.nu/i189
  Replies (61) Good night (1613) Bad night (10904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  You coming home soon, man?

  (1-902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  HENBARSCLOSE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): You coming home soon, man? (1-902): HENBARSCLOSE http://tfl.nu/z787
  Replies (7) Good night (3912) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city. http://tfl.nu/cnew
  Replies (9) Good night (1178) Bad night (2371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced. http://tfl.nu/7kbq
  Replies (38) Good night (3404) Bad night (2052) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat. http://tfl.nu/5cls
  Replies (5) Good night (5438) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs. http://tfl.nu/cddz
  Replies (9) Good night (4718) Bad night (1121) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock http://tfl.nu/0ctc
  Replies (4) Good night (3502) Bad night (826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song http://tfl.nu/pqc4
  Replies (20) Good night (3969) Bad night (1040)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls. http://tfl.nu/83jv
  Replies (16) Good night (6192) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked. http://tfl.nu/sxfw
  Replies (15) Good night (5904) Bad night (1820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry. http://tfl.nu/klio
  Replies (9) Good night (3836) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out. http://tfl.nu/tea7
  Replies (14) Good night (7721) Bad night (1444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can. http://tfl.nu/8tit
  Replies (21) Good night (14406) Bad night (1109) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks http://tfl.nu/8135
  Replies (11) Good night (4280) Bad night (938) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral. http://tfl.nu/3rm8
  Replies (5) Good night (1170) Bad night (3833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America" http://tfl.nu/sewn
  Replies (7) Good night (4168) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia http://tfl.nu/20or
  Replies (5) Good night (4699) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car. http://tfl.nu/2mw2
  Replies (15) Good night (5600) Bad night (995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house? http://tfl.nu/eww0
  Replies (5) Good night (2446) Bad night (958) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out http://tfl.nu/ipng
  Replies (9) Good night (847) Bad night (4016) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process. (1-919): Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop. http://tfl.nu/dsex
  Replies (3) Good night (4214) Bad night (734)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash http://tfl.nu/zmae
  Replies (3) Good night (694) Bad night (2888) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van. http://tfl.nu/3fdc
  Replies (17) Good night (1238) Bad night (3776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this. http://tfl.nu/0xw5
  Replies (7) Good night (2964) Bad night (990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll http://tfl.nu/nron
  Replies (10) Good night (1146) Bad night (2935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy http://tfl.nu/e3vy
  Replies (6) Good night (2062) Bad night (932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR http://tfl.nu/fkjm
  Replies (22) Good night (4318) Bad night (1110) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off. http://tfl.nu/2s4x
  Replies (10) Good night (6574) Bad night (800)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care http://tfl.nu/hm11
  Replies (13) Good night (2820) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition? http://tfl.nu/nsp8
  Replies (8) Good night (5709) Bad night (852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important http://tfl.nu/xvgc
  Replies (3) Good night (2900) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie. http://tfl.nu/3ijz
  Replies (18) Good night (7470) Bad night (1003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine http://tfl.nu/n0tq
  Replies (20) Good night (5456) Bad night (947) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize. http://tfl.nu/htot
  Replies (7) Good night (5153) Bad night (1130)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon. http://tfl.nu/88sk
  Replies (12) Good night (1474) Bad night (3542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level http://tfl.nu/3h42
  Replies (3) Good night (1234) Bad night (3586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours. http://tfl.nu/n5xc
  Replies (4) Good night (3915) Bad night (1118) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio. http://tfl.nu/bxp9
  Replies (10) Good night (834) Bad night (2847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame? http://tfl.nu/ixm6
  Replies (29) Good night (1489) Bad night (3730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon. http://tfl.nu/pj69
  Replies (9) Good night (1116) Bad night (3319) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end http://tfl.nu/x0of
  Replies (12) Good night (3143) Bad night (1000) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way. http://tfl.nu/qq0o
  Replies (7) Good night (1138) Bad night (4552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment. http://tfl.nu/t7rb
  Replies (3) Good night (2285) Bad night (876) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa http://tfl.nu/fgun
  Replies (13) Good night (3125) Bad night (983) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off? http://tfl.nu/40hd
  Replies (9) Good night (4191) Bad night (698)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations. http://tfl.nu/uf69
  Replies (7) Good night (3065) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night? http://tfl.nu/ont9
  Replies (14) Good night (924) Bad night (4098) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy http://tfl.nu/q2vq
  Replies (6) Good night (1695) Bad night (3187) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose http://tfl.nu/vyfk
  Replies (5) Good night (2688) Bad night (932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people http://tfl.nu/m3p8
  Replies (11) Good night (3587) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers... http://tfl.nu/y9ah
  Replies (8) Good night (2270) Bad night (1028) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom http://tfl.nu/xz6e
  Replies (22) Good night (4543) Bad night (920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism http://tfl.nu/m451
  Replies (3) Good night (2831) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God. http://tfl.nu/decj
  Replies (11) Good night (897) Bad night (3301)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset http://tfl.nu/nrla
  Replies (6) Good night (3090) Bad night (1092) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka http://tfl.nu/i4zm
  Replies (6) Good night (7849) Bad night (1023) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me. http://tfl.nu/1wv6
  Replies (17) Good night (6380) Bad night (929) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow. http://tfl.nu/0mxe
  Replies (18) Good night (1631) Bad night (5232) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out. http://tfl.nu/sq7d
  Replies (6) Good night (3137) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good. http://tfl.nu/6afw
  Replies (30) Good night (8046) Bad night (1038) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing. http://tfl.nu/2fe4
  Replies (18) Good night (2259) Bad night (2698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish. http://tfl.nu/pnvl
  Replies (3) Good night (3669) Bad night (773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry. http://tfl.nu/kkr1
  Replies (7) Good night (2925) Bad night (1183) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside" http://tfl.nu/md9m
  Replies (12) Good night (6305) Bad night (993) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday http://tfl.nu/t1la
  Replies (4) Good night (3075) Bad night (795) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something. http://tfl.nu/it4y
  Replies (15) Good night (2611) Bad night (975) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs. http://tfl.nu/5epb
  Replies (10) Good night (3827) Bad night (1554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother. http://tfl.nu/s7ce
  Replies (7) Good night (4167) Bad night (875)
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar. http://tfl.nu/fw94
  Replies (14) Good night (5805) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska http://tfl.nu/5za1
  Replies (16) Good night (4434) Bad night (1282) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole http://tfl.nu/g6br
  Replies (15) Good night (843) Bad night (5833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in. http://tfl.nu/kbab
  Replies (12) Good night (2492) Bad night (792)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night? http://tfl.nu/kz3y
  Replies (19) Good night (5319) Bad night (819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/tadi
  Replies (11) Good night (8639) Bad night (1836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night. http://tfl.nu/vt5l
  Replies (8) Good night (3718) Bad night (1508) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Either way, he made a blog for his cat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): Either way, he made a blog for his cat. http://tfl.nu/y9xq
  Replies (4) Good night (1170) Bad night (3336) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car? http://tfl.nu/714f
  Replies (7) Good night (829) Bad night (2373) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again. http://tfl.nu/xtmx
  Replies (9) Good night (4807) Bad night (758) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later? http://tfl.nu/w8i3
  Replies (16) Good night (5702) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy http://tfl.nu/okyl
  Replies (1) Good night (2377) Bad night (1007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this.. http://tfl.nu/inhx
  Replies (14) Good night (1332) Bad night (3679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA. http://tfl.nu/z3qk
  Replies (7) Good night (5364) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco. http://tfl.nu/eqmh
  Replies (11) Good night (4495) Bad night (1540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too." http://tfl.nu/ac9x
  Replies (4) Good night (2543) Bad night (911) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life. http://tfl.nu/fi4n
  Replies (6) Good night (4256) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it" http://tfl.nu/04ug
  Replies (4) Good night (5367) Bad night (779)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues. http://tfl.nu/sbd6
  Replies (9) Good night (1971) Bad night (1394) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes. http://tfl.nu/co11
  Replies (12) Good night (3238) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done. (1-215): I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together. http://tfl.nu/q0m2
  Replies (19) Good night (4655) Bad night (804)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later. http://tfl.nu/arob
  Replies (5) Good night (2533) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week. http://tfl.nu/8le3
  Replies (14) Good night (6917) Bad night (1371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one http://tfl.nu/zke4
  Replies (3) Good night (937) Bad night (2959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  ...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): ...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back. http://tfl.nu/m5i6
  Replies (6) Good night (835) Bad night (3088) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine http://tfl.nu/sllr
  Replies (7) Good night (2095) Bad night (843) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you. http://tfl.nu/anwq
  Replies (7) Good night (795) Bad night (4335) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies. http://tfl.nu/qg5x
  Replies (10) Good night (4473) Bad night (1605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic. http://tfl.nu/lf87
  Replies (11) Good night (2253) Bad night (1612) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment. http://tfl.nu/mdg4
  Replies (9) Good night (8098) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him. http://tfl.nu/w434
  Replies (4) Good night (944) Bad night (2150) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused." http://tfl.nu/qcvq
  Replies (12) Good night (11350) Bad night (921)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down. http://tfl.nu/7y05
  Replies (26) Good night (1514) Bad night (5629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear http://tfl.nu/fvq9
  Replies (10) Good night (2061) Bad night (3579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos. http://tfl.nu/fazf
  Replies (6) Good night (2445) Bad night (1699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together. http://tfl.nu/l7kg
  Replies (34) Good night (3002) Bad night (9714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck. http://tfl.nu/69rd
  Replies (17) Good night (7703) Bad night (1906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him. http://tfl.nu/sxwx
  Replies (8) Good night (937) Bad night (3211) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  You told him you loved him!?

  (1-260): View more from Indiana

  I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): You told him you loved him!? (1-260): I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes. http://tfl.nu/duby
  Replies (6) Good night (2586) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub. http://tfl.nu/cojk
  Replies (7) Good night (6013) Bad night (1045) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me. http://tfl.nu/dox4
  Replies (8) Good night (3197) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea. http://tfl.nu/s2fg
  Replies (9) Good night (2564) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila http://tfl.nu/mhdt
  Replies (8) Good night (1752) Bad night (2351) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet.. http://tfl.nu/rd8s
  Replies (4) Good night (2386) Bad night (1234) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (772): View more from Florida

  He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (772): He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days. http://tfl.nu/gr0g
  Replies (14) Good night (1491) Bad night (2225) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant http://tfl.nu/8r36
  Replies (3) Good night (3430) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I don`t remember Saturday, actually

  (1-604): View more from British Columbia

  Its ok, i dont remember 2007

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): I don`t remember Saturday, actually (1-604): Its ok, i dont remember 2007 http://tfl.nu/egxh
  Replies (16) Good night (7580) Bad night (829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call. http://tfl.nu/oew3
  Replies (5) Good night (3256) Bad night (819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis http://tfl.nu/b4c1
  Replies (18) Good night (1233) Bad night (2428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt. http://tfl.nu/2jv4
  Replies (10) Good night (6695) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake. http://tfl.nu/r8rw
  Replies (4) Good night (4748) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator. http://tfl.nu/tdtw
  Replies (18) Good night (4571) Bad night (1216) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means. http://tfl.nu/woys
  Replies (9) Good night (3677) Bad night (767)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever. http://tfl.nu/jt2o
  Replies (8) Good night (6557) Bad night (663) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name http://tfl.nu/d4zs
  Replies (12) Good night (3738) Bad night (959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas http://tfl.nu/u2nh
  Replies (11) Good night (3038) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath? http://tfl.nu/la37
  Replies (14) Good night (1175) Bad night (3873) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip http://tfl.nu/b5at
  Replies (12) Good night (2897) Bad night (955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves. http://tfl.nu/0275
  Replies (6) Good night (3132) Bad night (921) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos? http://tfl.nu/mgyg
  Replies (27) Good night (3823) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses. http://tfl.nu/pr98
  Replies (11) Good night (6478) Bad night (980) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later. http://tfl.nu/c2qt
  Replies (5) Good night (2866) Bad night (1390) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro http://tfl.nu/bhdm
  Replies (19) Good night (14841) Bad night (1659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life? http://tfl.nu/1n7v
  Replies (14) Good night (3888) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course. http://tfl.nu/y9iu
  Replies (55) Good night (15880) Bad night (1242)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug. http://tfl.nu/yhlg
  Replies (7) Good night (4813) Bad night (871) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/yv47
  Replies (26) Good night (1537) Bad night (4250) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout. http://tfl.nu/vj0i
  Replies (6) Good night (4000) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+30): View more from

  Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+30): Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi http://tfl.nu/acnu
  Replies (13) Good night (6001) Bad night (1032) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup. http://tfl.nu/cgag
  Replies (6) Good night (2531) Bad night (819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE. http://tfl.nu/167y
  Replies (20) Good night (3180) Bad night (2628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle. http://tfl.nu/7j8g
  Replies (4) Good night (2629) Bad night (883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly. http://tfl.nu/m7vb
  Replies (16) Good night (4098) Bad night (996) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots. http://tfl.nu/xlfm
  Replies (3) Good night (3047) Bad night (794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Man, jail baloney is awful.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Man, jail baloney is awful. http://tfl.nu/9ubn
  Replies (33) Good night (931) Bad night (3914) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out. http://tfl.nu/a3dj
  Replies (13) Good night (905) Bad night (2937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  i would one night stand the shit outta him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): i would one night stand the shit outta him http://tfl.nu/aljg
  Replies (11) Good night (5472) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now http://tfl.nu/j96j
  Replies (41) Good night (6264) Bad night (1016) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay. http://tfl.nu/xg35
  Replies (14) Good night (3018) Bad night (1496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of http://tfl.nu/1krw
  Replies (10) Good night (3488) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20 http://tfl.nu/oq26
  Replies (16) Good night (1794) Bad night (3094) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs. http://tfl.nu/4a67
  Replies (18) Good night (5758) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver. http://tfl.nu/n7jh
  Replies (23) Good night (5462) Bad night (1739)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is" http://tfl.nu/kt8o
  Replies (11) Good night (2486) Bad night (822)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots. http://tfl.nu/eygf
  Replies (5) Good night (3278) Bad night (959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die http://tfl.nu/4ks9
  Replies (18) Good night (1087) Bad night (4738) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  How's work?

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Spinning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): How's work? (978): Spinning. http://tfl.nu/6xgd
  Replies (9) Good night (4754) Bad night (906)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me http://tfl.nu/qt23
  Replies (11) Good night (4877) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse. http://tfl.nu/chf5
  Replies (6) Good night (948) Bad night (2176) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone. http://tfl.nu/9w3d
  Replies (8) Good night (3632) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  He likes Jesus. Game over.

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): He likes Jesus. Game over. (804): Oooh wait, he just told me he was high. http://tfl.nu/lcdj
  Replies (14) Good night (4732) Bad night (1331)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone. http://tfl.nu/c518
  Replies (7) Good night (3229) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine http://tfl.nu/x929
  Replies (15) Good night (3873) Bad night (1344) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious http://tfl.nu/z2uj
  Replies (7) Good night (945) Bad night (2287) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket. http://tfl.nu/5q0l
  Replies (10) Good night (3166) Bad night (956) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat http://tfl.nu/80p4
  Replies (19) Good night (6704) Bad night (1012) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real. http://tfl.nu/qt2q
  Replies (19) Good night (4590) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented". http://tfl.nu/soll
  Replies (10) Good night (1930) Bad night (3293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism http://tfl.nu/7zps
  Replies (8) Good night (4161) Bad night (1015) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize http://tfl.nu/jvbl
  Replies (19) Good night (7268) Bad night (931) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella. http://tfl.nu/o5ml
  Replies (14) Good night (5232) Bad night (2426) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  i want to swaddle you in tequila

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): i want to swaddle you in tequila http://tfl.nu/ks6c
  Replies (4) Good night (2555) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me. http://tfl.nu/tnbf
  Replies (9) Good night (3839) Bad night (954) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero

  (514): View more from Quebec

  like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero (514): like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride http://tfl.nu/mbnj
  Replies (3) Good night (2055) Bad night (1115)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order? http://tfl.nu/nfxj
  Replies (2) Good night (2659) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out http://tfl.nu/p80s
  Replies (3) Good night (5161) Bad night (1008) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY. http://tfl.nu/obak
  Replies (7) Good night (4257) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture. http://tfl.nu/x5k8
  Replies (16) Good night (723) Bad night (2780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer. http://tfl.nu/0a2y
  Replies (10) Good night (4381) Bad night (712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila. http://tfl.nu/3egv
  Replies (3) Good night (3061) Bad night (763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese http://tfl.nu/a9is
  Replies (4) Good night (4604) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary". http://tfl.nu/h26g
  Replies (5) Good night (2935) Bad night (829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever. http://tfl.nu/ptta
  Replies (17) Good night (4084) Bad night (3695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike... http://tfl.nu/h9ar
  Replies (10) Good night (1115) Bad night (3787) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember. http://tfl.nu/2y89
  Replies (6) Good night (1844) Bad night (947) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes http://tfl.nu/lgb8
  Replies (4) Good night (3920) Bad night (792) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke. http://tfl.nu/ibe5
  Replies (11) Good night (860) Bad night (3864) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come. http://tfl.nu/qjzy
  Replies (11) Good night (3376) Bad night (1137) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water. http://tfl.nu/rvne
  Replies (2) Good night (3432) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being. http://tfl.nu/gtcm
  Replies (8) Good night (3578) Bad night (792) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower. http://tfl.nu/bnhm
  Replies (10) Good night (3683) Bad night (954) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots http://tfl.nu/aobh
  Replies (14) Good night (2747) Bad night (1661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee. http://tfl.nu/z4i3
  Replies (7) Good night (2299) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine. http://tfl.nu/envi
  Replies (26) Good night (2088) Bad night (1318) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I drank myself into bisexuality again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I drank myself into bisexuality again. http://tfl.nu/eg45
  Replies (16) Good night (6008) Bad night (1050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell. http://tfl.nu/5mii
  Replies (7) Good night (3277) Bad night (1336) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics http://tfl.nu/t7mh
  Replies (7) Good night (2756) Bad night (1344) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Come find me please? Im in a ditch.

  (1-604): View more from British Columbia

  That doesn't help me much...

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I'm right under the moon!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): Come find me please? Im in a ditch. (1-604): That doesn't help me much... (604): I'm right under the moon! http://tfl.nu/u7hc
  Replies (15) Good night (13690) Bad night (1038)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression http://tfl.nu/ti0p
  Replies (30) Good night (1080) Bad night (3651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying. http://tfl.nu/4yli
  Replies (3) Good night (2052) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving http://tfl.nu/yrvc
  Replies (7) Good night (3392) Bad night (1171) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on. http://tfl.nu/fosj
  Replies (8) Good night (3933) Bad night (830)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home. http://tfl.nu/daw2
  Replies (5) Good night (785) Bad night (2199) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over. http://tfl.nu/n0ys
  Replies (15) Good night (8395) Bad night (1025)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him http://tfl.nu/w6qf
  Replies (19) Good night (5063) Bad night (1006) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen? http://tfl.nu/ze7l
  Replies (9) Good night (4347) Bad night (986) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie. http://tfl.nu/dsah
  Replies (7) Good night (3006) Bad night (766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Salt in an open wound right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job. (704): How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore? (301): Salt in an open wound right now. http://tfl.nu/m9a1
  Replies (17) Good night (1466) Bad night (4975)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses

  (1-316): View more from Kansas

  That sounds dangerous

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses (1-316): That sounds dangerous (316): Don't worry......were wearing oven mits. http://tfl.nu/woxn
  Replies (9) Good night (4369) Bad night (775)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave. http://tfl.nu/6huv
  Replies (13) Good night (5290) Bad night (1008) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown. http://tfl.nu/wms3
  Replies (6) Good night (5273) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.

  (1-417): View more from Missouri

  I love foreign exchange students.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish. (1-417): I love foreign exchange students. http://tfl.nu/3hb4
  Replies (6) Good night (3639) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner. http://tfl.nu/j2to
  Replies (5) Good night (3082) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword. http://tfl.nu/au8n
  Replies (12) Good night (3937) Bad night (928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion" http://tfl.nu/b5an
  Replies (11) Good night (6890) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed. http://tfl.nu/chu6
  Replies (7) Good night (1594) Bad night (3414) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick. http://tfl.nu/fiht
  Replies (34) Good night (6067) Bad night (1555) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!

  (315): View more from New York

  AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!! (315): AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!! http://tfl.nu/witt
  Replies (16) Good night (5896) Bad night (1304)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks. http://tfl.nu/8rn4
  Replies (17)