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the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
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