Texts From Last Night

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(503): View more from Oregon

Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk

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(503): Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk http://tfl.nu/l7fc

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(303): View more from Colorado

as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.

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(303): as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking. http://tfl.nu/8b6a

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other

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(803): I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other http://tfl.nu/gz8l

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(443): View more from Maryland

Something about Sunday night screams phone sex

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(443): Something about Sunday night screams phone sex http://tfl.nu/g1ms

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(314): View more from Missouri

I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.

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(314): I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed. http://tfl.nu/a0tv

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(714): View more from California

So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.

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(714): So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing. http://tfl.nu/3b6z

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(850): View more from Florida

Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.

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(850): Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too. http://tfl.nu/dtev

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school

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(414): i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school http://tfl.nu/pd3u

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(816): View more from Missouri

You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex

(816): View more from Missouri

...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship

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(816): You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex (816): ...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship http://tfl.nu/eny9

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(707): View more from California

I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.

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(707): I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over. http://tfl.nu/3xvt

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(425): View more from Washington

I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday

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(425): I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday http://tfl.nu/6bnr

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(410): View more from Maryland

He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."

(410): View more from Maryland

I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.

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(410): He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever." (410): I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much. http://tfl.nu/3c5w

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.

(580): View more from Oklahoma

I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.

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(580): She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand. (580): I'm worried because he hasn't removed it. http://tfl.nu/hp4o

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(719): View more from Colorado

The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.

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(719): The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies. http://tfl.nu/1axa

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.

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(612): I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night. http://tfl.nu/84z8

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