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i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
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