Texts From Last Night

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(614): View more from Ohio

So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?

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(614): So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes? http://tfl.nu/y2f0

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand

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(832): I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand http://tfl.nu/owk1

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(856): View more from New Jersey

Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.

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(856): Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina. http://tfl.nu/1cex

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party

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(902): Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party http://tfl.nu/fwjk

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(630): View more from Illinois

like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.

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(630): like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant. http://tfl.nu/ihww

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(785): View more from Kansas

There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.

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(785): There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha. http://tfl.nu/kiqc

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(207): View more from Maine

But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!

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(207): But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on! http://tfl.nu/iftt

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(530): View more from California

im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.

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(530): im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either. http://tfl.nu/lxlu

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(971): View more from Oregon

I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.

(509): View more from Washington

you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left

(971): View more from Oregon

goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan

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(971): I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH. (509): you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left (971): goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan http://tfl.nu/bxrp

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.

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(412): I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help. http://tfl.nu/c3ar

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(336): View more from North Carolina

Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"

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(336): Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem" http://tfl.nu/nmt9

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(515): View more from Iowa

We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place

(1-515): View more from Iowa

I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck

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(515): We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place (1-515): I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck http://tfl.nu/93u8

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(561): View more from Florida

But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain

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(561): But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain http://tfl.nu/nmgo

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(386): View more from Florida

make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions

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(386): make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions http://tfl.nu/o45u

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(417): View more from Missouri

He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.

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(417): He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex. http://tfl.nu/n0fj

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