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    (717): View more from Pennsylvania

    i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night

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    Replies (0) Good night (3) Bad night (2) Order T-Shirt
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    (570): View more from Pennsylvania

    You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."

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    Replies (0) Good night (13) Bad night (12) Order T-Shirt
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    (479): View more from Arkansas

    He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.

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    Replies (0) Good night (21) Bad night (5) Order T-Shirt
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    (956): View more from Texas

    I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.

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    Replies (1) Good night (19) Bad night (25) Order T-Shirt
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    (570): View more from Pennsylvania

    WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED

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    Replies (0) Good night (30) Bad night (11) Order T-Shirt
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    (416): View more from Toronto

    cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.

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    Replies (0) Good night (44) Bad night (18)
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    (610): View more from Pennsylvania

    So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??

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    Replies (0) Good night (46) Bad night (12)
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    (201): View more from New Jersey

    I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.

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    Replies (0) Good night (50) Bad night (12) Order T-Shirt
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    (757): View more from Virginia

    She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.

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    Replies (2) Good night (38) Bad night (112) Order T-Shirt
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    (757): View more from Virginia

    Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.

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    Replies (0) Good night (37) Bad night (47) Order T-Shirt
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    (438): View more from Quebec

    I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.

    (1-438): View more from Quebec

    God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.

    (438): View more from Quebec

    Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss

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    Replies (0) Good night (129) Bad night (33)
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    (651): View more from Minnesota

    god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.

    (508): View more from Massachusetts

    I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.

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    Replies (1) Good night (67) Bad night (37)
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    (501): View more from Arkansas

    I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.

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    Replies (1) Good night (100) Bad night (54)
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    (518): View more from New York

    There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."

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    Replies (1) Good night (155) Bad night (15)
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    (603): View more from New Hampshire

    Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?

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    Replies (0) Good night (67) Bad night (36) Order T-Shirt
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  • (859): The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow http://t.co/sQOeFAaf
  • (270): him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
  • (627): The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
  • (402): Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
  • (724): A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
  • (303): Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.

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