Texts From Last Night

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(302): View more from Delaware

On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.

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(302): On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better. http://tfl.nu/rs0b

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(207): View more from Maine

By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.

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(207): By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms. http://tfl.nu/wdsi

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.

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(814): Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn. http://tfl.nu/bgu3

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(479): View more from Arkansas

I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.

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(479): I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home. http://tfl.nu/t2fg

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(516): View more from New York

She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...

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(516): She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird... http://tfl.nu/escp

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.

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(814): If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it. http://tfl.nu/i665

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(479): View more from Arkansas

He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security

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(479): He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security http://tfl.nu/nae6

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(810): View more from Michigan

Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra

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(810): Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra http://tfl.nu/ryel

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(434): View more from Virginia

I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night

(434): View more from Virginia

then apparently I went "not bad" and continued

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(434): I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night (434): then apparently I went "not bad" and continued http://tfl.nu/4s21

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!

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(+44): We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA! http://tfl.nu/862o

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(619): View more from California

Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.

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(619): Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket. http://tfl.nu/fgzh

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(313): View more from Michigan

We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to

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(313): We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to http://tfl.nu/22xn

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(425): View more from Washington

You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.

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(425): You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you. http://tfl.nu/vxkn

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(614): View more from Ohio

So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?

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(614): So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes? http://tfl.nu/y2f0

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand

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(832): I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand http://tfl.nu/owk1

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