Texts From Last Night

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(203): View more from Connecticut

At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.

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(203): At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it. http://tfl.nu/8csz

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(386): View more from Florida

I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?

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(386): I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher? http://tfl.nu/eehc

Replies (0) Good night (8) Bad night (5) Order T-Shirt
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(330): View more from Ohio

You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.

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(330): You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter. http://tfl.nu/exdp

Replies (1) Good night (11) Bad night (7) Order T-Shirt
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*

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(306): just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm* http://tfl.nu/auxk

Replies (0) Good night (19) Bad night (9) Order T-Shirt
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(727): View more from Florida

He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.

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(727): He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again. http://tfl.nu/phzx

Replies (1) Good night (47) Bad night (10) Order T-Shirt
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(949): View more from California

You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.

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(949): You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering. http://tfl.nu/3arq

Replies (0) Good night (22) Bad night (4) Order T-Shirt
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.

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(774): In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely. http://tfl.nu/mh8s

Replies (3) Good night (52) Bad night (20) Order T-Shirt
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(785): View more from Kansas

That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.

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(785): That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA. http://tfl.nu/53zt

Replies (0) Good night (97) Bad night (10)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention

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(610): I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention http://tfl.nu/bnw5

Replies (2) Good night (44) Bad night (14) Order T-Shirt
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(708): View more from Illinois

He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.

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(708): He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro. http://tfl.nu/6fem

Replies (3) Good night (29) Bad night (79) Order T-Shirt
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(720): View more from Colorado

Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off

(720): View more from Colorado

I mean come on

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(720): Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off (720): I mean come on http://tfl.nu/0ezx

Replies (2) Good night (22) Bad night (64)
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(573): View more from Missouri

Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.

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(573): Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room. http://tfl.nu/y8jv

Replies (0) Good night (53) Bad night (22)
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(302): View more from Delaware

I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car

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(302): I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car http://tfl.nu/rca8

Replies (2) Good night (20) Bad night (63) Order T-Shirt
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(727): View more from Florida

I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.

(1-727): View more from Florida

Please never have kids.

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(727): I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour. (1-727): Please never have kids. http://tfl.nu/il5z

Replies (2) Good night (86) Bad night (22) Order T-Shirt
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship

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(403): She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship http://tfl.nu/44te

Replies (4) Good night (256) Bad night (13) Order T-Shirt

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