Texts From Last Night

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(438): View more from Quebec

I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.

(1-438): View more from Quebec

God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.

(438): View more from Quebec

Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss

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(438): I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents. (1-438): God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol. (438): Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss http://tfl.nu/li35

Replies (0) Good night (50) Bad night (17)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.

(508): View more from Massachusetts

I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.

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(651): god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again. (508): I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended. http://tfl.nu/x893

Replies (0) Good night (33) Bad night (22)
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(501): View more from Arkansas

I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.

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(501): I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT. http://tfl.nu/wa70

Replies (0) Good night (41) Bad night (24)
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(518): View more from New York

There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."

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(518): There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina." http://tfl.nu/mvmf

Replies (1) Good night (69) Bad night (9)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?

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(603): Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy? http://tfl.nu/plt7

Replies (0) Good night (45) Bad night (16) Order T-Shirt
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(303): View more from Colorado

Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?

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(303): Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail? http://tfl.nu/afmp

Replies (1) Good night (79) Bad night (20) Order T-Shirt
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(302): View more from Delaware

On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.

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(302): On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better. http://tfl.nu/rs0b

Replies (1) Good night (115) Bad night (13) Order T-Shirt
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(207): View more from Maine

By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.

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(207): By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms. http://tfl.nu/wdsi

Replies (1) Good night (74) Bad night (14) Order T-Shirt
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.

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(814): Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn. http://tfl.nu/bgu3

Replies (0) Good night (60) Bad night (15) Order T-Shirt
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(479): View more from Arkansas

I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.

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(479): I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home. http://tfl.nu/t2fg

Replies (1) Good night (42) Bad night (93)
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(516): View more from New York

She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...

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(516): She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird... http://tfl.nu/escp

Replies (1) Good night (72) Bad night (34)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.

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(814): If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it. http://tfl.nu/i665

Replies (0) Good night (62) Bad night (19) Order T-Shirt
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(479): View more from Arkansas

He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security

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(479): He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security http://tfl.nu/nae6

Replies (1) Good night (110) Bad night (22) Order T-Shirt
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(810): View more from Michigan

Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra

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(810): Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra http://tfl.nu/ryel

Replies (2) Good night (98) Bad night (28) Order T-Shirt
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(434): View more from Virginia

I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night

(434): View more from Virginia

then apparently I went "not bad" and continued

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(434): I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night (434): then apparently I went "not bad" and continued http://tfl.nu/4s21

Replies (0) Good night (232) Bad night (111)

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