Texts From Last Night

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.

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(505): Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis. http://tfl.nu/t3p3

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(+61): View more from Australia

I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.

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(+61): I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad. http://tfl.nu/47hi

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on

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(405): Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on http://tfl.nu/n0jv

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(925): View more from California

I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.

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(925): I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea. http://tfl.nu/uulw

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(734): View more from Michigan

Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him

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(734): Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him http://tfl.nu/qq0a

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(503): View more from Oregon

Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk

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(503): Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk http://tfl.nu/l7fc

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(303): View more from Colorado

as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.

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(303): as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking. http://tfl.nu/8b6a

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other

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(803): I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other http://tfl.nu/gz8l

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(443): View more from Maryland

Something about Sunday night screams phone sex

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(443): Something about Sunday night screams phone sex http://tfl.nu/g1ms

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(314): View more from Missouri

I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.

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(314): I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed. http://tfl.nu/a0tv

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(714): View more from California

So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.

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(714): So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing. http://tfl.nu/3b6z

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(850): View more from Florida

Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.

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(850): Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too. http://tfl.nu/dtev

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school

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(414): i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school http://tfl.nu/pd3u

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(816): View more from Missouri

You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex

(816): View more from Missouri

...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship

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(816): You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex (816): ...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship http://tfl.nu/eny9

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(707): View more from California

I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.

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(707): I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over. http://tfl.nu/3xvt

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