i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
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