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No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
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