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    (614): View more from Ohio

    So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?

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    Replies (0) Good night (8) Bad night (6) Order T-Shirt
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    (832): View more from Houston, Texas

    I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand

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    Replies (0) Good night (20) Bad night (16) Order T-Shirt
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    (856): View more from New Jersey

    Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.

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    Replies (1) Good night (29) Bad night (11) Order T-Shirt
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    (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

    Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party

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    Replies (0) Good night (12) Bad night (11) Order T-Shirt
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    (630): View more from Illinois

    like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.

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    Replies (0) Good night (21) Bad night (46) Order T-Shirt
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    (785): View more from Kansas

    There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.

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    Replies (0) Good night (29) Bad night (10) Order T-Shirt
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    (207): View more from Maine

    But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!

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    Replies (2) Good night (41) Bad night (63) Order T-Shirt
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    (530): View more from California

    im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.

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    Replies (0) Good night (42) Bad night (18) Order T-Shirt
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    (971): View more from Oregon

    I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.

    (509): View more from Washington

    you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left

    (971): View more from Oregon

    goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan

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    Replies (0) Good night (95) Bad night (16)
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    (412): View more from Pennsylvania

    I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.

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    Replies (1) Good night (31) Bad night (41) Order T-Shirt
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    (336): View more from North Carolina

    Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"

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    Replies (1) Good night (84) Bad night (22) Order T-Shirt
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    (515): View more from Iowa

    We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place

    (1-515): View more from Iowa

    I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck

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    Replies (0) Good night (87) Bad night (35)
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    (561): View more from Florida

    But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain

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    Replies (0) Good night (71) Bad night (23) Order T-Shirt
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    (386): View more from Florida

    make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions

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    Replies (3) Good night (93) Bad night (22) Order T-Shirt
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    (417): View more from Missouri

    He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.

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    Replies (0) Good night (17) Bad night (107) Order T-Shirt
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  • (859): The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow http://t.co/sQOeFAaf
  • (270): him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
  • (627): The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
  • (402): Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
  • (724): A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
  • (303): Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.

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