Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Michigan (734)

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.

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  (734): When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office. http://tfl.nu/5u6k
  Replies (6) Good night (213) Bad night (58) Order T-Shirt
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  You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.

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  (734): You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them. http://tfl.nu/p5zk
  Replies (1) Good night (186) Bad night (336)
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  Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him

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  (734): Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him http://tfl.nu/qq0a
  Replies (0) Good night (234) Bad night (397) Order T-Shirt
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  Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.

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  (734): Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink. http://tfl.nu/pqtj
  Replies (1) Good night (153) Bad night (539) Order T-Shirt
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  Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.

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  (734): Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life. http://tfl.nu/3mco
  Replies (3) Good night (518) Bad night (133) Order T-Shirt
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  all my money is vodka money

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  I have never read a truer sentence.

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  (734): all my money is vodka money (1-734): I have never read a truer sentence. http://tfl.nu/947v
  Replies (0) Good night (629) Bad night (149) Order T-Shirt
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  I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.

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  (734): I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game. http://tfl.nu/jsqs
  Replies (7) Good night (184) Bad night (453) Order T-Shirt
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  If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do

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  (734): If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do http://tfl.nu/wpum
  Replies (6) Good night (987) Bad night (144) Order T-Shirt
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  I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.

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  (734): I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first. http://tfl.nu/6gn4
  Replies (1) Good night (461) Bad night (161) Order T-Shirt
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  I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head

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  (734): I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head http://tfl.nu/48x4
  Replies (0) Good night (443) Bad night (171) Order T-Shirt
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  Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire

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  (734): Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire http://tfl.nu/5fup
  Replies (6) Good night (1378) Bad night (316)
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  If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.

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  (734): If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date. http://tfl.nu/hoqh
  Replies (1) Good night (472) Bad night (166) Order T-Shirt
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  I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.

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  (734): I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete. http://tfl.nu/xnhl
  Replies (5) Good night (208) Bad night (497) Order T-Shirt
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  It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.

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  (734): It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles. http://tfl.nu/qtkj
  Replies (2) Good night (591) Bad night (184) Order T-Shirt
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  But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?

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  (734): But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know? http://tfl.nu/qpnv
  Replies (14) Good night (521) Bad night (998)