Texts From Last Night

Worst Nights of Today

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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date

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  (402): As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date http://tfl.nu/07k6
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  (914): View more from New York

  he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.

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  (914): he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting. http://tfl.nu/z57t
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.

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  (484): there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now. http://tfl.nu/o3be
  Replies (5) Good night (132) Bad night (391)
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  (310): View more from California

  I'm so sick

  (323): View more from California

  I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.

  (310): View more from California

  That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..

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  (310): I'm so sick (323): I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night. (310): That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy.. http://tfl.nu/0aa2
  Replies (3) Good night (56) Bad night (294)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".

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  (303): exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake". http://tfl.nu/t5lj
  Replies (5) Good night (108) Bad night (288) Order T-Shirt
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.

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  (202): Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem. http://tfl.nu/fe20
  Replies (0) Good night (16) Bad night (193) Order T-Shirt
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life

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  (781): U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life http://tfl.nu/mfnn
  Replies (1) Good night (81) Bad night (159) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.

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  (360): She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake. http://tfl.nu/n9ny
  Replies (3) Good night (62) Bad night (125) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.

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  (773): Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days. http://tfl.nu/hblx
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina

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  (706): I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina http://tfl.nu/j6ze
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.

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  (970): The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad. http://tfl.nu/lkeb
  Replies (3) Good night (151) Bad night (100)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I respect the size of her balls.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.

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  (303): I respect the size of her balls. (1-303): Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else. http://tfl.nu/t5xu
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  (213): View more from California

  hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"

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  (213): hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month" http://tfl.nu/hs5s
  Replies (7) Good night (100) Bad night (69) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.

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  (215): it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target. http://tfl.nu/jyhf
  Replies (2) Good night (253) Bad night (67) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.

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  (412): Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut. http://tfl.nu/ynt5
  Replies (2) Good night (222) Bad night (66)