Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Louisiana (318)

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  Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.

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  (318): Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home. http://tfl.nu/6de1
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  A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"

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  (318): A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?" http://tfl.nu/oinl
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  U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.

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  (318): U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off. http://tfl.nu/1s94
  Replies (3) Good night (399) Bad night (134)
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  He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.

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  (318): He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free. http://tfl.nu/dxth
  Replies (0) Good night (703) Bad night (161)
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  My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock

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  (318): My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock http://tfl.nu/d5ea
  Replies (10) Good night (1479) Bad night (192)
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  My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter

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  Is this a considering it or regretting it text?

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  I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.

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  (318): My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter (504): Is this a considering it or regretting it text? (318): I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me. http://tfl.nu/wpzn
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  PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.

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  (318): PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard. http://tfl.nu/g9pr
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  She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.

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  (318): She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust. http://tfl.nu/o3wc
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  I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.

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  Coming.

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  (318): I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this. (504): Coming. http://tfl.nu/0nn7
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  He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."

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  (318): He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car." http://tfl.nu/xfdu
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  I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots

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  (318): I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots http://tfl.nu/pvb5
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  I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.

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  (318): I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna. http://tfl.nu/hik5
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  At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?

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  (318): At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving? http://tfl.nu/qz6b
  Replies (7) Good night (2147) Bad night (405)
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  There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape

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  (318): There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape http://tfl.nu/a8x6
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  I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off

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  (318): I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off http://tfl.nu/iq1g
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