Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Washington (253)

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  According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.

  (253): View more from Washington

  You called the wrong number but I salute you.

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  (707): According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground. (253): You called the wrong number but I salute you. http://tfl.nu/npd5
  Replies (4) Good night (718) Bad night (80)
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  I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year

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  (253): I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year http://tfl.nu/c4bo
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  Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"

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  You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk

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  (253): Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?" (425): You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk http://tfl.nu/1uaf
  Replies (1) Good night (453) Bad night (77)
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  Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.

  (253): View more from Washington

  You're lovely.

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  (425): Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight. (253): You're lovely. http://tfl.nu/vx83
  Replies (2) Good night (366) Bad night (107)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.

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  (253): T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night. http://tfl.nu/lo7s
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.

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  Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.

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  (253): Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now. (1-253): Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now. http://tfl.nu/vki8
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  (253): View more from Washington

  It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.

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  (253): It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced. http://tfl.nu/oqhp
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  I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat

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  I think that's a new house record

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  (253): I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat (1-253): I think that's a new house record http://tfl.nu/c3oi
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  Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk

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  (253): Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk http://tfl.nu/8gkz
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  I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.

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  (253): I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute. http://tfl.nu/d7nx
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  If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.

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  (253): If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat. http://tfl.nu/66de
  Replies (2) Good night (157) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
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  she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.

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  so that's what that room is for...

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  (253): she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows. (206): so that's what that room is for... http://tfl.nu/5gyi
  Replies (5) Good night (858) Bad night (232)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.

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  (253): it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting. http://tfl.nu/k4ds
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  Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.

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  (253): Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight. http://tfl.nu/dlgc
  Replies (2) Good night (423) Bad night (178) Order T-Shirt
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  want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.

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  (253): want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some. http://tfl.nu/g1u1
  Replies (9) Good night (408) Bad night (1405) Order T-Shirt