Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Washington (253)

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  I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks

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  (253): I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks http://tfl.nu/tvej
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  When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!

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  (253): When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?! http://tfl.nu/f0hc
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  Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.

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  (253): Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad. http://tfl.nu/4hs3
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  Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.

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  (253): Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers. http://tfl.nu/t7fg
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  Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.

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  you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.

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  (360): Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone. (253): you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker. http://tfl.nu/ov6f
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  There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.

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  (253): There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs. http://tfl.nu/3p74
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  i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down

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  ppsyche im wasted where are you

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  (253): i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down (253): ppsyche im wasted where are you http://tfl.nu/a8tg
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  I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.

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  (253): I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears. http://tfl.nu/f427
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  Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?

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  (253): Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen? http://tfl.nu/9r46
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  If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.

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  (253): If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life. http://tfl.nu/jc0t
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  Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night

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  (253): Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night http://tfl.nu/3m0v
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  At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.

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  (253): At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets. http://tfl.nu/s5np
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  they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.

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  (253): they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest. http://tfl.nu/yx0q
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  at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?

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  (253): at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito? http://tfl.nu/ycrz
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  Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex

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  Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy

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  (253): Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex (206): Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy http://tfl.nu/0aky
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