Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (707)

Last Night in California (707)

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According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.

(253): View more from Washington

You called the wrong number but I salute you.

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(707): According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground. (253): You called the wrong number but I salute you. http://tfl.nu/npd5

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I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.

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(707): I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy. http://tfl.nu/am87

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People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.

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(707): People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex. http://tfl.nu/ihmc

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Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..

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(707): Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult.. http://tfl.nu/smpu

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I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.

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(707): I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over. http://tfl.nu/3xvt

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DON'T WEAR PANTS.

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I REPEAT.

(707): View more from California

DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.

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(707): DON'T WEAR PANTS. (707): I REPEAT. (707): DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS. http://tfl.nu/9ogh

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Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.

(707): View more from California

And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.

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(707): Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful. (707): And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead. http://tfl.nu/n413

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I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude

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(707): I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude http://tfl.nu/pine

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My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?

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(707): My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day? http://tfl.nu/zsu8

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Hahah. They reconnected again?

(1-707): View more from California

Like with his penis I guess

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(707): Hahah. They reconnected again? (1-707): Like with his penis I guess http://tfl.nu/k3d2

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The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".

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(707): The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny". http://tfl.nu/ox7j

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I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day

(408): View more from California

Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry

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(707): I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day (408): Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry http://tfl.nu/3wks

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He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.

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(707): He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/bl7f

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They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield

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(707): They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield http://tfl.nu/3a5d

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I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.

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(707): I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made. http://tfl.nu/x9xf

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Last Night in California (707)

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