Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Minnesota (218)

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  the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up

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  Shania Twain would have been proud

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  (218): the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up (701): Shania Twain would have been proud http://tfl.nu/u6vz
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  Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?

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  (218): Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young? http://tfl.nu/34pp
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  We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.

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  (218): We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened. http://tfl.nu/ouo9
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  The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"

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  (218): The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!" http://tfl.nu/8p22
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  My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing

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  (218): My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing http://tfl.nu/4jwd
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  Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.

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  And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.

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  (612): Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted. (218): And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face. http://tfl.nu/e0j5
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  Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.

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  (218): Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else. http://tfl.nu/z0p4
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  I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans

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  (218): I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans http://tfl.nu/y0vw
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  Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?

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  (218): Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time? http://tfl.nu/ojrn
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  legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20

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  (218): legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20 http://tfl.nu/k23v
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  He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.

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  (218): He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small. http://tfl.nu/riyf
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  I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.

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  (218): I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately. http://tfl.nu/wrd1
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  Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me

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  (218): Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me http://tfl.nu/p7wy
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  I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...

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  (218): I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin... http://tfl.nu/zsou
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  I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul

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  (218): I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul http://tfl.nu/2csp
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