Texts From Last Night

Last Night in California (310)

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  (310): View more from California

  Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.

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  (310): Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity. http://tfl.nu/wgjy
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  That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.

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  (310): That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it. http://tfl.nu/uvlg
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  Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.

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  (310): Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim. http://tfl.nu/t01v
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  I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.

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  (310): I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me. http://tfl.nu/btwi
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  Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests

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  (310): Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests http://tfl.nu/hq9w
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  That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.

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  (310): That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better. http://tfl.nu/qdjx
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  I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.

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  (310): I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life. http://tfl.nu/0deg
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  he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party

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  (310): he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party http://tfl.nu/v00e
  Replies (1) Good night (186) Bad night (782)
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  Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on

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  (310): Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on http://tfl.nu/xhhi
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  When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos

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  (310): When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos http://tfl.nu/izqt
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  Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...

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  (310): Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right... http://tfl.nu/uva3
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  Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing

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  (310): Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing http://tfl.nu/gwvn
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  So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.

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  (310): So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned. http://tfl.nu/t3gi
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  I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.

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  (310): I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle. http://tfl.nu/a8xs
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  Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.

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  (310): Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds. http://tfl.nu/m30n
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