Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (760)

Last Night in California (760)

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Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.

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(760): Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule. http://tfl.nu/62pd

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You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..

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(760): You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching.. http://tfl.nu/8ueu

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Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...

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(760): Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom... http://tfl.nu/f7p5

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when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.

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(760): when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice. http://tfl.nu/5xpe

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Why is your vibrator in the fridge?

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I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.

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(760): Why is your vibrator in the fridge? (1-760): I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there. http://tfl.nu/7etk

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My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?

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(760): My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this? http://tfl.nu/9ow4

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Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.

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Wow.

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(901): Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered. (760): Wow. http://tfl.nu/1wu1

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The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.

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(760): The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too. http://tfl.nu/fqh3

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Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?

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(760): Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!? http://tfl.nu/iolx

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i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have

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(760): i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have http://tfl.nu/ddny

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The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.

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(760): The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper. http://tfl.nu/pbch

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He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.

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(760): He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper. http://tfl.nu/lg2v

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so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?

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(760): so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost? http://tfl.nu/osjc

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She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.

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(760): She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/eh4f

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For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".

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(760): For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad". http://tfl.nu/gpn1

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Last Night in California (760)

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