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You did not just play the dead husband card again.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
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