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Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
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