Texts From Last Night

Last Night in New York (585)

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  Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.

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  (585): Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful. http://tfl.nu/vw40
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  The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club

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  You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall

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  (585): The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club (716): You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall http://tfl.nu/3muu
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  If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.

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  (585): If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang. http://tfl.nu/cb2r
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  shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry

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  (585): shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry http://tfl.nu/7vhr
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  Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.

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  (585): Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings. http://tfl.nu/zv1f
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  I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower

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  (585): I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower http://tfl.nu/ravu
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  Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone

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  (585): Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone http://tfl.nu/e7f7
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  this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field

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  (585): this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field http://tfl.nu/wzry
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  I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.

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  (585): I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in. http://tfl.nu/1xha
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  So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange

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  (585): So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange http://tfl.nu/waj5
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  pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.

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  (585): pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable. http://tfl.nu/657k
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  He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.

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  (585): He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota. http://tfl.nu/2rl1
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  "I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."

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  (585): "I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly." http://tfl.nu/7n5b
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  The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us

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  (585): The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us http://tfl.nu/diix
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  my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.

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  can you adopt me?

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  (585): my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now. (917): can you adopt me? http://tfl.nu/i9vb
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