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she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
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