Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (407)

Last Night in Florida (407)

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I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.

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(407): I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule. http://tfl.nu/aidv

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Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.

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(407): Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing. http://tfl.nu/4f2e

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the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?

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(407): the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day? http://tfl.nu/2o1l

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I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?

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(407): I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!? http://tfl.nu/85fy

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woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.

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(407): woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over. http://tfl.nu/kn1h

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I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..

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(407): I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks.. http://tfl.nu/av5i

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I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.

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(407): I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk. http://tfl.nu/exk9

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cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.

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the diet of an alcoholic...

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(407): cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks. (1-407): the diet of an alcoholic... http://tfl.nu/3a7v

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Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.

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Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.

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(321): Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk. (407): Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked. http://tfl.nu/656t

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the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.

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(407): the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever. http://tfl.nu/psk0

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mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.

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(407): mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad. http://tfl.nu/ifx0

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It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.

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(407): It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it. http://tfl.nu/o8fq

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just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?

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(407): just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic? http://tfl.nu/xncy

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I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.

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(407): I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level. http://tfl.nu/6nqz

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sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.

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(407): sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch. http://tfl.nu/v1iz

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Last Night in Florida (407)

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