Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Florida (850)

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  (850): View more from Florida

  Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.

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  (850): Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too. http://tfl.nu/dtev
  Replies (8) Good night (321) Bad night (86) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.

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  (850): Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful. http://tfl.nu/7o2z
  Replies (4) Good night (558) Bad night (146) Order T-Shirt
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  I'd cum for enchiladas.

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  (850): I'd cum for enchiladas. http://tfl.nu/lnb5
  Replies (2) Good night (435) Bad night (168) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.

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  (850): I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute. http://tfl.nu/idmm
  Replies (2) Good night (1005) Bad night (174)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.

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  (850): I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm. http://tfl.nu/9wk9
  Replies (2) Good night (395) Bad night (157) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.

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  (850): Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon. http://tfl.nu/pq1b
  Replies (4) Good night (282) Bad night (662)
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  I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date

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  (850): I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date http://tfl.nu/9qn8
  Replies (3) Good night (176) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  These people don't understand my stages of drunk

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  (850): These people don't understand my stages of drunk http://tfl.nu/g6eb
  Replies (2) Good night (352) Bad night (131) Order T-Shirt
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  I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.

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  (850): I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet. http://tfl.nu/wt7c
  Replies (3) Good night (501) Bad night (188)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.

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  (850): He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes. http://tfl.nu/l8op
  Replies (4) Good night (959) Bad night (322) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up

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  (850): I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up http://tfl.nu/4e9b
  Replies (3) Good night (497) Bad night (214) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.

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  (850): For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot. http://tfl.nu/k004
  Replies (3) Good night (709) Bad night (161)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.

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  (850): I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25. http://tfl.nu/pimr
  Replies (4) Good night (867) Bad night (207) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk

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  (850): He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really. (412): And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk http://tfl.nu/08bn
  Replies (7) Good night (1452) Bad night (218)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.

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  (850): Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours. http://tfl.nu/ipen
  Replies (9) Good night (2348) Bad night (231) Order T-Shirt