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I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
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