Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Florida (407)

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  I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"

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  (407): I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry" http://tfl.nu/fy98
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  he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...

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  (407): he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet... http://tfl.nu/8m0e
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  Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.

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  (407): Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck. http://tfl.nu/ldxl
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  And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.

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  (407): And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know. http://tfl.nu/l7lp
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  I'm pregnant.

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  The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???

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  (407): I'm pregnant. (1-407): The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number??? http://tfl.nu/ivb7
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  Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...

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  (407): Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background... http://tfl.nu/gjfo
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  I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too

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  (407): I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too http://tfl.nu/awue
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  For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.

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  (407): For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it. http://tfl.nu/uopt
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  How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?

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  (407): How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong? http://tfl.nu/4ez3
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  That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.

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  (407): That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan. http://tfl.nu/f7sf
  Replies (13) Good night (2070) Bad night (511)
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  Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.

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  (407): Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas. http://tfl.nu/zp3l
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  I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.

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  (407): I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water. http://tfl.nu/vrnp
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  All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy

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  (407): All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy http://tfl.nu/k1j3
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  I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever

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  (407): I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever http://tfl.nu/eali
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  Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.

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  (407): Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people. http://tfl.nu/19v1
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