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i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
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