Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Missouri (417)

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  (417): View more from Missouri

  I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...

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  (417): I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him... http://tfl.nu/ae62
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  I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.

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  (417): I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow. http://tfl.nu/poey
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  Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."

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  (417): Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS." http://tfl.nu/riik
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  He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.

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  (417): He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex. http://tfl.nu/n0fj
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  So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?

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  (417): So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty? http://tfl.nu/l95a
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  Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.

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  (417): Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that. http://tfl.nu/gtr5
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  All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"

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  (417): All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?" http://tfl.nu/7ine
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  I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again

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  I will be over with a bedpan and beer

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  (417): I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again (1-417): I will be over with a bedpan and beer http://tfl.nu/dsbf
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  He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.

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  (417): He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life. http://tfl.nu/zieg
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  So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?

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  (417): So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye? http://tfl.nu/90tu
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  I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.

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  You rock my world.

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  (417): I just smoked weed out of a baked potato. (309): You rock my world. http://tfl.nu/p2ud
  Replies (4) Good night (807) Bad night (294)
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  THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW

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  (417): THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW http://tfl.nu/z4i2
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  I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.

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  I will make you one.

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  Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it

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  (417): I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal. (417): I will make you one. (417): Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it http://tfl.nu/hpb9
  Replies (5) Good night (778) Bad night (586)
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  Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.

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  (417): Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night. http://tfl.nu/jn93
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  Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.

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  (417): Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/szac
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