Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Texas (830)

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  A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.

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  (830): A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work. http://tfl.nu/eqs6
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  Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?

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  Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine

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  drunken problem solving at its finest

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  (830): Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra? (210): Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine (830): drunken problem solving at its finest http://tfl.nu/2c5e
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  It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember

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  (830): It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember http://tfl.nu/l1ic
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  You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.

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  (830): You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations. http://tfl.nu/eber
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  Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.

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  (830): Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old. http://tfl.nu/rc4y
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  I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.

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  (830): I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic. http://tfl.nu/ur90
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  I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time

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  well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from

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  (830): I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time (830): well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from http://tfl.nu/l1gr
  Replies (8) Good night (1141) Bad night (242)
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  Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.

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  (830): Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it. http://tfl.nu/ngu5
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  I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.

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  (830): I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate. http://tfl.nu/ytk5
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  I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?

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  (830): I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy? http://tfl.nu/wl4s
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  we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.

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  (830): we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked. http://tfl.nu/50u7
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  Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.

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  (830): Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point. http://tfl.nu/e159
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  Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?

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  (830): Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas? http://tfl.nu/xrcg
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  No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her

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  (830): No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her http://tfl.nu/0ly7
  Replies (11) Good night (2059) Bad night (449)
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  Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat

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  You are so not ready for motherhood

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  (210): Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat (830): You are so not ready for motherhood http://tfl.nu/j27j
  Replies (3) Good night (854) Bad night (1660)