Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (917)

Last Night in New York City (917)

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(917): View more from New York City

Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days

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(917): Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days http://tfl.nu/z3dv

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Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum

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(917): Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum http://tfl.nu/namq

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Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.

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(917): Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly. http://tfl.nu/0uc8

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his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently

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(917): his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently http://tfl.nu/j5yc

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I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina

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(917): I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina http://tfl.nu/n2kg

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Yea we just broke up

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so do we start sexting now or later?

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(917): Yea we just broke up (914): so do we start sexting now or later? http://tfl.nu/8x1o

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I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food

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(917): I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food http://tfl.nu/2i31

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My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts

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(917): My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts http://tfl.nu/5sws

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Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.

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(917): Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life. http://tfl.nu/kv1x

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I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.

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(917): I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting. http://tfl.nu/4lzp

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New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.

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(917): New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward. http://tfl.nu/1xcw

Replies (3) Good night (616) Bad night (265)
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Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.

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(917): Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP. http://tfl.nu/0qve

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Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.

(917): View more from New York City

Gotta love Minnesota

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(612): Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door. (917): Gotta love Minnesota http://tfl.nu/qkph

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i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON

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(917): i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON http://tfl.nu/vk8e

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Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.

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(917): Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society. http://tfl.nu/2sl2

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Last Night in New York City (917)

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