Texts From Last Night

Last Night in New York City (917)

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  (917): View more from New York City

  Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes

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  (917): Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes http://tfl.nu/krda
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  When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork

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  (917): When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork http://tfl.nu/bkbb
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  Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)

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  (917): Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.) http://tfl.nu/7rgs
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  This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?

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  (917): This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case? http://tfl.nu/t5hu
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  she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"

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  (917): she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall" http://tfl.nu/c8ce
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  Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.

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  (917): Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am. http://tfl.nu/94x6
  Replies (2) Good night (1197) Bad night (401)
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  She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone

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  (917): She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone http://tfl.nu/cug7
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  She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.

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  (917): She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl. http://tfl.nu/btqg
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  it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome

  (1-917): View more from New York City

  second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?

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  (917): it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome (1-917): second-hand sex is fun, isn't it? http://tfl.nu/9p74
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  You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.

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  That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue

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  (917): You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal. (203): That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue http://tfl.nu/dtw4
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  idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now

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  (917): idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now http://tfl.nu/ruxc
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  If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"

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  (917): If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia" http://tfl.nu/fadd
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  I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary

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  (917): I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary http://tfl.nu/znga
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  The cops raided her house the day before class even started

  (1-917): View more from New York City

  Those assholes are becoming so efficient

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  (917): The cops raided her house the day before class even started (1-917): Those assholes are becoming so efficient http://tfl.nu/vbsh
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  There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar

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  (917): There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar http://tfl.nu/udin
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