She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
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