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Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
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