Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Texas (956)

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  (956): View more from Texas

  I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.

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  (956): I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied. http://tfl.nu/aspz
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  So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.

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  (956): So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom. http://tfl.nu/5pcj
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  I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town

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  (956): I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town http://tfl.nu/qkc2
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  Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.

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  (956): Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout. http://tfl.nu/rol8
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  Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .

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  (956): Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . . http://tfl.nu/ha2v
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  You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom

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  (956): You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom http://tfl.nu/ktvk
  Replies (2) Good night (208) Bad night (591)
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  You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"

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  (956): You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night" http://tfl.nu/lqee
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  WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!

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  (956): WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?! http://tfl.nu/nv7y
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  I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.

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  (956): I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her. http://tfl.nu/jxh9
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  One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth

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  (956): One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth http://tfl.nu/vmxy
  Replies (2) Good night (351) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
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  Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW

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  (956): Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW http://tfl.nu/0qym
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  Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?

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  (956): Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone? http://tfl.nu/ptfa
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  The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.

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  (956): The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging. http://tfl.nu/1enr
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  Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.

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  (956): Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars. http://tfl.nu/dx00
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  Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life

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  (956): Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life http://tfl.nu/cpkm
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