Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Florida (772)

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  (772): View more from Florida

  He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina

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  (772): He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina http://tfl.nu/eog8
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  I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.

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  (772): I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty. http://tfl.nu/zh78
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  My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah

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  I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.

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  (614): My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah (772): I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade. http://tfl.nu/tvrh
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  I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.

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  (772): I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix. http://tfl.nu/g0qx
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  The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person

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  (772): The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person http://tfl.nu/qxco
  Replies (1) Good night (759) Bad night (324)
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  Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.

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  (772): Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with. http://tfl.nu/bsvi
  Replies (14) Good night (708) Bad night (248)
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  Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.

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  (772): Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse. http://tfl.nu/4fru
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  She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.

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  (772): She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me. http://tfl.nu/4pez
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  Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.

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  (772): Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid. http://tfl.nu/hte9
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  She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.

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  (772): She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times. http://tfl.nu/p3ry
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  How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?

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  (772): How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer? http://tfl.nu/kmhe
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  When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.

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  (772): When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny. http://tfl.nu/z1it
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  I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.

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  (772): I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison. http://tfl.nu/yxd5
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  we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life

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  (772): we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life http://tfl.nu/tfqf
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  You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.

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  (772): You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer. http://tfl.nu/ehgy
  Replies (10) Good night (1735) Bad night (419)