Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (928)

Last Night in Arizona (928)

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He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.

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(928): He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart. http://tfl.nu/tciz

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Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.

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(928): Well I was going to go home but vodka happened. http://tfl.nu/0ttq

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Just trying to get my dicks in a row.

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(928): Just trying to get my dicks in a row. http://tfl.nu/3g9d

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So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time

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(928): So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time http://tfl.nu/6mpm

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Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.

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(928): Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating. http://tfl.nu/r7wa

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You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions

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Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.

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(928): You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions (1-928): Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit. http://tfl.nu/mpos

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I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!

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(928): I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night! http://tfl.nu/vne9

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i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.

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(928): i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice. http://tfl.nu/k07n

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Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.

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(928): Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week. http://tfl.nu/3dmv

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It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".

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(928): It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams". http://tfl.nu/l9ee

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YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?

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...and?

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I hate when you're right.

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(928): YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!? (1-928): ...and? (928): I hate when you're right. http://tfl.nu/4pb8

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I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five

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(928): I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five http://tfl.nu/12yz

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Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!

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(928): Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!! http://tfl.nu/q83i

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The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.

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(928): The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death. http://tfl.nu/lz31

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It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn

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(928): It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn http://tfl.nu/6fj5

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Last Night in Arizona (928)

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