Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Maryland (443)

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  Something about Sunday night screams phone sex

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  (443): Something about Sunday night screams phone sex http://tfl.nu/g1ms
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  Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.

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  (443): Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos. http://tfl.nu/iwo5
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  i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom

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  (443): i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom http://tfl.nu/onuv
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  so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>

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  (443): so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.> http://tfl.nu/ipoz
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  Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career

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  (443): Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career http://tfl.nu/vwhr
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  Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand

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  (443): Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand http://tfl.nu/0tkh
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  You pole danced in your parka.

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  (443): You pole danced in your parka. http://tfl.nu/lknf
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  There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.

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  (443): There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity. http://tfl.nu/z2pz
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  What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?

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  The pinata full of drugs?

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  (443): What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing? (1-443): The pinata full of drugs? http://tfl.nu/09ic
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  Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE

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  (443): Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE http://tfl.nu/kvc0
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  i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.

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  (443): i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands. http://tfl.nu/4s4w
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  Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?

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  Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.

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  (443): Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers? (301): Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis. http://tfl.nu/hcxa
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  It was a book called Gay Safari.

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  I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.

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  (410): It was a book called Gay Safari. (443): I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel. http://tfl.nu/jo6k
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  You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.

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  (443): You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere. http://tfl.nu/84cy
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  Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.

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  (443): Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it. http://tfl.nu/cvh2
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