Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (816)

Last Night in Missouri (816)

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So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.

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(816): So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me. http://tfl.nu/bb44

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I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.

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(816): I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs. http://tfl.nu/7j97

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Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?

(1-816): View more from Missouri

Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.

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...... wtf.

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(816): Where'd you guys get the alcohol from? (1-816): Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower. (816): ...... wtf. http://tfl.nu/k9gx

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you were mass sexting so we took your phone away

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(816): you were mass sexting so we took your phone away http://tfl.nu/u2si

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she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.

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(816): she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL. http://tfl.nu/ostw

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That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again

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(816): That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again http://tfl.nu/xxfj

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I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.

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(816): I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool. http://tfl.nu/0qcg

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It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea

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(816): It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea http://tfl.nu/zoej

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at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?

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(816): at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea? http://tfl.nu/mw1i

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Absence makes the cock grow harder.

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(816): Absence makes the cock grow harder. http://tfl.nu/yyl1

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we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome

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(816): we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome http://tfl.nu/vmah

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we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring

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(816): we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring http://tfl.nu/1aqf

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I'm so horny

(913): View more from Kansas

I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect

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(816): I'm so horny (913): I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect http://tfl.nu/ggyh

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After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.

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(816): After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship. http://tfl.nu/v7rc

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THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.

(816): View more from Missouri

..So we should take it off Youtube?

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(660): THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you. (816): ..So we should take it off Youtube? http://tfl.nu/93os

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Last Night in Missouri (816)

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