Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (816)

Last Night in Missouri (816)

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(816): View more from Missouri

Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.

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(816): Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower. http://tfl.nu/cq6t

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They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze

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(816): They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze http://tfl.nu/jmci

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If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.

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(816): If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day. http://tfl.nu/k8ur

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My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.

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(816): My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning. http://tfl.nu/zsoe

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(660): View more from Missouri

dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome

(816): View more from Missouri

no its not leave

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(660): dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome (816): no its not leave http://tfl.nu/95g2

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(417): View more from Missouri

Hookers taste better with whip cream

(816): View more from Missouri

Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too

(417): View more from Missouri

Fair enough

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(417): Hookers taste better with whip cream (816): Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too (417): Fair enough http://tfl.nu/svnz

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(816): View more from Missouri

You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"

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(816): You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!" http://tfl.nu/vlcz

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(816): View more from Missouri

and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.

(1-816): View more from Missouri

Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours

(816): View more from Missouri

outstanding.

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(816): and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like. (1-816): Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours (816): outstanding. http://tfl.nu/qtfw

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(816): View more from Missouri

just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..

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(816): just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist.. http://tfl.nu/9c4j

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(816): View more from Missouri

believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.

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(816): believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward. http://tfl.nu/i2tt

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I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.

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(816): I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since. http://tfl.nu/s9zv

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(252): View more from North Carolina

woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?

(816): View more from Missouri

i hope so.

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(252): woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night? (816): i hope so. http://tfl.nu/2flb

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(816): View more from Missouri

I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.

(417): View more from Missouri

I'm going for alcohol poisoning.

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(816): I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight. (417): I'm going for alcohol poisoning. http://tfl.nu/l0is

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(816): View more from Missouri

I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis

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(816): I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis http://tfl.nu/fnup

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Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it

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(816): Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it http://tfl.nu/hlut

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Last Night in Missouri (816)

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