Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Texas (806)

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  (806): View more from Texas

  Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there

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  (806): Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there http://tfl.nu/qxkk
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  I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really

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  (806): I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really http://tfl.nu/rgm5
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  I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.

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  (806): I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism. http://tfl.nu/hgk9
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  We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.

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  (806): We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish. http://tfl.nu/et7p
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  First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.

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  (806): First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored. http://tfl.nu/7kgx
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  I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.

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  (806): I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex. http://tfl.nu/q7ob
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  I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.

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  (806): I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship. http://tfl.nu/hvwx
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  Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.

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  (806): Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times. http://tfl.nu/evhw
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  He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.

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  (806): He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead. http://tfl.nu/inpn
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  It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.

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  (806): It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there. http://tfl.nu/4q4i
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  There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.

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  (806): There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night. http://tfl.nu/26q0
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  Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap

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  (806): Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap http://tfl.nu/wtva
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  It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.

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  It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.

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  (806): It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation. (1-806): It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that. http://tfl.nu/9jn5
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  Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.

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  (806): Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes. http://tfl.nu/kfeu
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  (806): View more from Texas

  Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.

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  (806): Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again. http://tfl.nu/oiv0
  Replies (5) Good night (1151) Bad night (554)