Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (239)

Last Night in Florida (239)

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(239): View more from Florida

I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.

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(239): I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night. http://tfl.nu/o908

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(239): View more from Florida

Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.

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(239): Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows. http://tfl.nu/ni5n

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And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok

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(239): And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok http://tfl.nu/c91w

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(239): View more from Florida

Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course

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(239): Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course http://tfl.nu/4x8m

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Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?

(406): View more from Montana

Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.

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(239): Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ? (406): Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time. http://tfl.nu/y05k

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(239): View more from Florida

Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.

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(239): Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance. http://tfl.nu/mqe0

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I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.

(239): View more from Florida

that is the opposite of a normal text message.

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(850): I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult. (239): that is the opposite of a normal text message. http://tfl.nu/cufq

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(239): View more from Florida

COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING

(646): View more from New York

(239): View more from Florida

Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?

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(239): COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING (646): (239): Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that? http://tfl.nu/ilq5

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(239): View more from Florida

And I might get them triple pierced after that

(631): View more from New York

Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors

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(239): And I might get them triple pierced after that (631): Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors http://tfl.nu/vrzy

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(239): View more from Florida

Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."

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(239): Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..." http://tfl.nu/k8r7

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(239): View more from Florida

I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.

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(239): I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN. http://tfl.nu/tffx

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Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.

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(239): Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest. http://tfl.nu/uwa9

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(239): View more from Florida

Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer

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(239): Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer http://tfl.nu/egws

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(239): View more from Florida

Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.

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(239): Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day. http://tfl.nu/tiwu

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(239): View more from Florida

No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.

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(239): No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm. http://tfl.nu/6ztv

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Last Night in Florida (239)

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