woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
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