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Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
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