Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (254)

Last Night in Texas (254)

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(254): View more from Texas

I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed

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(254): I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed http://tfl.nu/euid

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Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.

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(254): Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed. http://tfl.nu/8cn8

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STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST

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(254): STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST http://tfl.nu/fj6v

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GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT

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^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.

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(254): GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT (254): ^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out. http://tfl.nu/79e1

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I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.

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(254): I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits. http://tfl.nu/syex

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We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.

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(254): We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans. http://tfl.nu/t9r6

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Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?

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Like it was yesterday.

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Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...

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(254): Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears? (517): Like it was yesterday. (254): Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery... http://tfl.nu/058m

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I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.

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It's 2 pm....

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(940): I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas. (254): It's 2 pm.... http://tfl.nu/onth

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I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look

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(254): I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look http://tfl.nu/jucs

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I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.

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(254): I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here. http://tfl.nu/xtpc

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The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy

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(254): The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy http://tfl.nu/x76r

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Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story

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(254): Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story http://tfl.nu/vkqr

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I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30

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(254): I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30 http://tfl.nu/3ama

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He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him

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(254): He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him http://tfl.nu/fs9i

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Do you think county jail has a Groupon?

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(254): Do you think county jail has a Groupon? http://tfl.nu/zc61

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Last Night in Texas (254)

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