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The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
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