Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Follow @tfln