Texts From Last Night

Last Night in New York (845)

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  (845): View more from New York

  Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?

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  (845): Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ? http://tfl.nu/zpud
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  And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.

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  (845): And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn. http://tfl.nu/8782
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  I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.

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  (845): I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up. http://tfl.nu/mw75
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  He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought

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  (845): He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought http://tfl.nu/z4p7
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  We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."

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  (845): We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..." http://tfl.nu/o2g7
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  Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit

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  (845): Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit http://tfl.nu/mhw5
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  Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.

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  (845): Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible. http://tfl.nu/r0ag
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  Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12

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  (845): Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12 http://tfl.nu/01a6
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  Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"

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  (845): Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him" http://tfl.nu/pb7e
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  I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.

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  (845): I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog. http://tfl.nu/tom2
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  Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person

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  (845): Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person http://tfl.nu/riak
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  I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'

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  (845): I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.' http://tfl.nu/qnb2
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  Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence

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  (845): Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence http://tfl.nu/8d0r
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  Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.

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  (845): Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions. http://tfl.nu/ahrr
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  one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down

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  (845): one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down http://tfl.nu/yzd4
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