Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Ontario (519)

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  My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"

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  I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"

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  (519): My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things" (1-519): I didn't realize you were one of the "good people" http://tfl.nu/039y
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  all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"

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  (519): all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat" http://tfl.nu/ukas
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  we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"

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  (519): we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault" http://tfl.nu/rtah
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  dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way

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  (519): dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way http://tfl.nu/6t17
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  I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.

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  (519): I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid. http://tfl.nu/7asr
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  I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.

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  (519): I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle. http://tfl.nu/aifz
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  We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on

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  (519): We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on http://tfl.nu/80ye
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  Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.

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  (519): Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten. http://tfl.nu/vjjo
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  i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?

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  (519): i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends? http://tfl.nu/08w4
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  mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing

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  (519): mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing http://tfl.nu/5ec7
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  You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.

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  (519): You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do. http://tfl.nu/ggug
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  Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.

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  (519): Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die. http://tfl.nu/wxg3
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  due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.

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  (519): due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron. http://tfl.nu/58sn
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  Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...

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  (519): Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm... http://tfl.nu/v0t6
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  Clothes are such an inconvenience.

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  (519): Clothes are such an inconvenience. http://tfl.nu/1jcm
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