Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Ontario (519)

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  wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant

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  (519): wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant http://tfl.nu/7q0r
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  she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...

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  (519): she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up... http://tfl.nu/djzy
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  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

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  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
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  While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.

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  (519): While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf. http://tfl.nu/v6r3
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  Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.

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  (519): Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes. http://tfl.nu/ehgd
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  Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...

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  (519): Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm... http://tfl.nu/v0t6
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  this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.

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  (519): this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn. http://tfl.nu/4r7g
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  can you blame him?

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  i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT

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  (226): can you blame him? (519): i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT http://tfl.nu/oyzm
  Replies (46) Good night (1256) Bad night (6399)
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  He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest

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  (519): He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest http://tfl.nu/yyal
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  I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick

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  (519): I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick http://tfl.nu/bx5i
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  Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.

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  (519): Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife. http://tfl.nu/uqm2
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  It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.

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  (519): It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band. http://tfl.nu/y1g3
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  duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.

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  (519): duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function. http://tfl.nu/u3j5
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  Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.

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  (519): Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out. http://tfl.nu/jzw3
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  Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.

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  (519): Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven. http://tfl.nu/t5a6
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