Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Ontario (226)

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  You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"

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  (226): You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!" http://tfl.nu/6320
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  No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time

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  (226): No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time http://tfl.nu/rgly
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  We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.

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  (226): We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose. http://tfl.nu/xde0
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  I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater

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  (226): I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater http://tfl.nu/c1nm
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  While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."

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  (226): While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook." http://tfl.nu/v50o
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  we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...

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  did I at least say anything...

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  you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living

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  (519): we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom... (226): did I at least say anything... (519): you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living http://tfl.nu/vjjh
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  I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.

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  (226): I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off. http://tfl.nu/fkr9
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  The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle

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  (226): The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle http://tfl.nu/jqp1
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  I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.

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  (226): I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules. http://tfl.nu/1b9q
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  This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.

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  (226): This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible. http://tfl.nu/a5mz
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  I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.

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  (226): I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday. http://tfl.nu/cgf7
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  Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?

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  Don't answer that. It is bad.

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  (226): Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice? (226): Don't answer that. It is bad. http://tfl.nu/e65p
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  wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.

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  (226): wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all. http://tfl.nu/mko0
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  This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex

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  (226): This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex http://tfl.nu/70co
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  I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.

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  (226): I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience. http://tfl.nu/aa3x
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