Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (215)

Last Night in Pennsylvania (215)

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i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls

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(215): i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls http://tfl.nu/liuo

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Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now

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(215): Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now http://tfl.nu/6dgv

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i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out

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you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..

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(215): i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out (1-215): you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night.. http://tfl.nu/3w68

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I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.

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(215): I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back. http://tfl.nu/mir2

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My vag is like the Sahara

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Ew that's gross.

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The sad truth. Barren and empty.

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(267): My vag is like the Sahara (215): Ew that's gross. (267): The sad truth. Barren and empty. http://tfl.nu/3klg

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I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.

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(215): I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that. http://tfl.nu/79sp

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I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.

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I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.

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(215): I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward. (1-215): ... (215): I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure. http://tfl.nu/h70g

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Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...

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(215): Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or... http://tfl.nu/y16p

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they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness

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(215): they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness http://tfl.nu/sk3k

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There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.

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(215): There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry. http://tfl.nu/7teg

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You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"

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(215): You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!" http://tfl.nu/4gma

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shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find

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(215): shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find http://tfl.nu/sf13

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I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?

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(215): I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack? http://tfl.nu/k7vl

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the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.

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(215): the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked. http://tfl.nu/uz4z

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spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.

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(215): spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover. http://tfl.nu/j4hn

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Last Night in Pennsylvania (215)

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