Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Pennsylvania (215)

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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong

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  (215): candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong http://tfl.nu/hvis
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  im in the post action - pre consequence stage.

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  (215): im in the post action - pre consequence stage. http://tfl.nu/y2lc
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  There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell

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  (215): There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell http://tfl.nu/i2t1
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  your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.

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  (215): your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed. http://tfl.nu/08fq
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  I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college

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  Aren't you gay?

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  IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME

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  (215): I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college (267): Aren't you gay? (215): IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME http://tfl.nu/3fr7
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  tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.

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  (215): tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts. http://tfl.nu/39iy
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  Steaks?

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  It's Ash Wednesday.

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  If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?

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  (267): Steaks? (215): It's Ash Wednesday. (267): If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made? http://tfl.nu/8kzi
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  I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot

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  (215): I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot http://tfl.nu/otr7
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  Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.

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  (215): Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you. http://tfl.nu/su7n
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  okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.

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  (215): okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store. http://tfl.nu/bhuy
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  One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?

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  (215): One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew? http://tfl.nu/l1va
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  I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.

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  I pray for you bro.

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  (609): I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place. (215): I pray for you bro. http://tfl.nu/qs2m
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  my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.

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  (215): my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue. http://tfl.nu/4yma
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  tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.

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  (215): tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours. http://tfl.nu/k3ze
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  i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out

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  (215): i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out http://tfl.nu/4dk0
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