Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (805)

Last Night in California (805)

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(805): View more from California

All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...

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(805): All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend... http://tfl.nu/o1px

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Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.

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(805): Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones. http://tfl.nu/uefm

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I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.

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(805): I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it. http://tfl.nu/mmaq

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Are you feeling okay?

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Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.

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(805): Are you feeling okay? (1-805): Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover. http://tfl.nu/wneq

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The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.

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(805): The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it. http://tfl.nu/fb1m

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Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!

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(805): Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?! http://tfl.nu/o9wh

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I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.

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(805): I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore. http://tfl.nu/x6ui

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It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!

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(805): It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT! http://tfl.nu/78gh

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Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.

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(805): Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB. http://tfl.nu/41ax

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Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?

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(805): Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered? http://tfl.nu/tgh3

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I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?

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(805): I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal? http://tfl.nu/khtc

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Is the party worth it?

(512): View more from Texas

I am drink. Beer pony and singing.

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(805): Is the party worth it? (512): I am drink. Beer pony and singing. http://tfl.nu/lz1y

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Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.

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(805): Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/zu2d

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the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick

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(805): the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick http://tfl.nu/e696

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Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!

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(805): Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well! http://tfl.nu/91dr

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Last Night in California (805)

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