Texts From Last Night

Last Night in California (805)

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  (805): View more from California

  The air was thick with penises

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  (805): The air was thick with penises http://tfl.nu/1iew
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  how many dildos make it a "collection?"

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  (805): how many dildos make it a "collection?" http://tfl.nu/3sue
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  No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.

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  (805): No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard. http://tfl.nu/br69
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  The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.

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  (805): The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out. http://tfl.nu/nl9o
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  Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?

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  (805): Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later? http://tfl.nu/nvl3
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  It's like a toaster oven for my penis

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  (805): It's like a toaster oven for my penis http://tfl.nu/6tvc
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  I want "hickeys on my ass" sex

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  (805): I want "hickeys on my ass" sex http://tfl.nu/gaw7
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  Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.

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  (805): Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes. http://tfl.nu/5iyn
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  WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH

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  budget cuts

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  YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS

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  budget cuts are serious business

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  (805): WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH (1-805): budget cuts (805): YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS (1-805): budget cuts are serious business http://tfl.nu/xrnj
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  I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life

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  (805): I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life http://tfl.nu/x15r
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  So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka

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  Sweet. Did I win?

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  Youre hungover arent you?

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  (805): So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka (1-805): Sweet. Did I win? (805): Youre hungover arent you? http://tfl.nu/l89i
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  OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.

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  (805): OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine. http://tfl.nu/qt1j
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  Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.

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  (805): Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012. http://tfl.nu/u0sr
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  i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party

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  (805): i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party http://tfl.nu/d8gr
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  I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.

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  (805): I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights. http://tfl.nu/b17v
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