Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Michigan (616)

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  (616): View more from Michigan

  I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.

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  (616): I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like. http://tfl.nu/l89u
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  I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!

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  (616): I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever! http://tfl.nu/7fus
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  There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism

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  (616): There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism http://tfl.nu/r96o
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  I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now

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  (616): I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now http://tfl.nu/th7d
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  Thank you for caring about my cervix.

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  (616): Thank you for caring about my cervix. http://tfl.nu/akl3
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  We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?

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  Helmets.

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  (616): We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids? (609): Helmets. http://tfl.nu/n1xg
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  dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die

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  that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida

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  (616): dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die (1-616): that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida http://tfl.nu/3jsk
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  Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.

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  (616): Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high. http://tfl.nu/9cx2
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  im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.

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  (616): im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake. http://tfl.nu/ht7z
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  2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.

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  2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.

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  (616): 2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll. (616): 2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll. http://tfl.nu/3aiz
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  I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?

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  (616): I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day? http://tfl.nu/5vcx
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  was I really that bad?

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  you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage

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  (231): was I really that bad? (616): you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage http://tfl.nu/4ubm
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  I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.

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  (616): I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once. http://tfl.nu/2lkb
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  I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"

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  (616): I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!" http://tfl.nu/jxqn
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  Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.

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  (616): Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me. http://tfl.nu/rp8b
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