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I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
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