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You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
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