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once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
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